Should I Divorce My Husband: How To Decide To Divorce Or Stay Married - When Is Divorce The Right Answer

You have been feeling very unhappy in your marriage for quite a while already and you start to wonder this, "Should I divorce my husband?" Sometimes you think that divorce is inevitable because you do not know how to solve the problems in your marriage. However, the truth is most marriage problems can be solved without getting a divorce.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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You always think of this question, "Should I divorce my husband?" whenever you cannot stand your husband ways, but decision about divorce should be thought carefully. Take some time to calm down your mind and take a good look at your marriage. Is your husband always the person that he needs to change? How about you? Do you think there are areas that you should change too? I have to also let you know that going through divorce is not simple and it is possible to give you more troubles after divorce because there are more things that you have to differentiate and agree onto such as the custody of the kid, finance, house, etc.

In order to be fair to yourself and your husband, don't always think of the bad points in your marriage. Think about what made you so in love with your husband in the beginning? Think of the solutions that can make your marriage better if you decide to stay. If you think that it is necessary to be away from your husband for time being, consider a short separation instead of a divorce. Let him know about your feelings so that he can agree to give you some space and time to consider.

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Does it sometimes seem like your marriage or relationship is turning colder with every passing day?

Is it true your sex-life is on a downward turn - and has been for a while?

If so, you may be able to benefit from this reply I sent to an unhappy husband who was in exactly this situation. Here's what he had to say followed by my responses...

[Unhappy Married Man] I really need some help in my marriage before we drift even further apart and I'm hoping that you can offer me some help that's the real deal. I have been married for 19 years and find that our relationship and sex life is in limbo at present. There are so many demands on our time that there is none left for intimacy, not to mention sex.

[Relationship Coach] Either consciously or unconsciously, you've made a choice as to where you're going to USE your time. From what you're saying, you've DECIDED that other things are more important than your relationship. That's most likely why it's in "limbo". But of course, you could at any time DECIDE that your relationship is more important than those other things - and begin giving energy and attention to the relationship.

[Unhappy Married Man] I have read a number of articles explaining quick fixes to relationships that frankly do not work. I am not looking for a quick fix to our current dilemma, but something more lasting.

[Relationship Coach] I agree, "quick fixes" do not work because a "quick fix" is nothing more than trying to get something for nothing - and anything worth having has a price associated with it. A mutually warm, loving, and sexual relationship is one of the most valuable things a person can have - and something that valuable doesn't come for free - it doesn't come "auto-magically". The price one must pay to enjoy a wonderful relationship is maintaining a certain state of mind, devoting time to each other, and putting effort into keeping the relationship exciting.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

[Unhappy Married Man] I have deliberately used the word "our" because this includes my wife as well. I am not looking for self gratification, but rather the chance to rediscover the strong feelings of love, romance and excitement my wife and I had earlier in our marriage.

[Relationship Coach] This ties back to the state of mind price I mentioned earlier... If you're anything like a normal man, there was a time when you were attracted to the lady who is now your wife. She was all you could think about. She was all you WANTED to think about. That's a state of mind. You CHASED after her...yes, you wanted her sexually but you also wanted her as a person too. That's a state of mind. You used your mind to DESIGN ways to spend more time with her...that's a state of mind. You had plenty of OTHER things that you could do but you were interested in MOSTLY allocating your time to her...every chance you could get to be with her and to do things with took advantage of. That's a state of mind. Probably, as you're reading this, you're reflecting back to that time and remembering that state of mind - and that's the HAVE the mental faculties - the ability - to recreate that same state of mind and OPERATE in that state of mind - AT WILL. It's a CHOICE. All you've got to do is DECIDE that you want to and then DO it.

[Unhappy Married Man] We still love one another but the reality of the situation is that a lot is said in anger over 19 years and the concept of "forgive and forget" is not always put into practice.

[Relationship Coach] We mostly want to view forgiveness as a ceremonial act of the offending party coming to us and begging for our forgiveness and we - like some pompous being of royalty - ceremonially grant them pardon and forgiveness. But of course, that almost never happens and so people go through life perpetually offended as they frequently reflect back on offences. So, a much more useful form of forgiveness is to view it as picking the "weeds" out of the "garden" of your own mind. It's just so much more useful for you as a man to consciously and purposely throw out any negative thoughts that you may be holding onto related to both real and perceived offences - no matter whether your wife ever acknowledges her "wrong-doing" or not.

[Unhappy Married Man] I am sure that a "shrink" will have an explanation for this situation, but please my wife and I are not looking for answers like "did you wet your bed as a child" or many others that come to mind.

[Relationship Coach] I'm with you on this... I'm sure there are social workers and family counselling therapists who are sincere and who help people...I've just never met any of them who could do anything besides take things around in circles and upset both spouses more than they were before. The fact is, if you have a splinter in your finger, there's not a lot of value in talking about how you got that splinter. What's more useful is simply removing the splinter. Similarly, if you're cold, there's no value in talking about the cold. Instead, DO SOMETHING to get some heat going and the cold just goes away. It's exactly the same in a relationship. There's not a lot of value in talking about past grievances and trying to weigh out exactly who was at fault and to what extent they were wrong. But, there IS a LOT of value in DOING things that create a warm, sexual marriage.

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"I think my husband is falling out of love with me, but I don't want to lose him." That's a phrase said or thought by many married women each day. When we walk down the aisle and get married, we believe in our hearts that our spouse will love us that way for the rest of our lives. Once you realize that he's just not as crazy about you as he once was, it's devastating. Although many women simply sit back and accept that their marriage is dying a slow death, you don't have to. If you love him and you want him to love you all over again, you can make that happen. Every woman has the power to reclaim her marriage and make her husband crazy about her again.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

If you feel that your husband is falling out of love with you take a step back and compare the woman you are today to the woman he fell in love with initially. Naturally we all change over time but you need to think back to the qualities your husband loved most about you when you two first met. If you've buried those qualities under all the stresses of being a mom, chasing your career and trying to balance your household, you need to refocus more on yourself. Take time to rediscover the woman he loved back then and show him that's still who you are.

Also, enough can't be said about being supportive of your spouse. Sometimes men weave together the feelings of love and value in their marriage. If your husband doesn't feel valued by you, he may start to lose interest in you. It's very easy to take your partner for granted and to not thank him for everything he brings to your life. Make a point, each day, to tell him how much he means to you and how much you appreciate everything he does. It will help him feel closer to you and more emotionally open.

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By the time that some wives contact me, they have already been told by their determined husbands that they are no longer loved. Some of these wives get up their courage to attempt to show their husband the flaws of this thinking or to do something to change his mind. They are often met with a determined statement by the husband that he is never going to change his mind no matter what the wife says or does.

I might hear a wife put it this way. "About six months ago, I began to notice that my husband was acting weird. My husband is known as a very happy go lucky, laid back person. It takes a lot to upset my husband. He has always been very good about remaining happy even when things weren't going so well in his life. He is the type of person who always looks on the bright side. So that is why it surprised me that he seemed to change when there were issues with his job. I've never seen my husband act depressed before, but he definitely had negative changes to his behavior. He was distant, sullen, and moody. I tried to just be supportive and hope that it passed, but it didn't. One day, my husband told me that he needed some space. I thought that he meant that he just wanted me to keep my distance at home. Come to find out, what he meant was that he wanted one of us to move out for a little while. I told him that what he was proposing was a crazy idea. I told him that he was just having a little stress at work and that he was overreacting. His answer to me was that he was not overreacting. Then he said: 'I didn't want to say anything about this because I didn't want to hurt you. But I don't love you anymore.' Again, I chalked this up to the stress at work. I just didn't react at all and I haven't moved out. I have tried to be nice and supportive to my husband. Last night he said: 'listen, I know what you are doing. You are being nice to me because you think that I am going to change my mind about loving you. But I'm not. There is nothing that you can do to change my mind.' I am just stunned by this. I have friends who were separated and whose husbands eventually asked to reconcile because they realized that they loved their wives after all. These husbands definitely changed their minds. Is it completely out of the question that my husband might also?"

Why I Think He Can Possibly Change His Mind If You Approach Him In A Unique Ways: I think that it is absolutely possible. In fact, my own husband changed his mind during our separation. But, from that process, I learned something very important. When your husband has straight up told you that he is not going to change his mind, any plan to get him to do just that has to come from a place where he's not looking.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

What I mean by that is that your husband very likely has his guard up as far as you are concerned. He knows that you are going to make various attempts to make him feel love for you. Since he doesn't intend to change his mind and has told you as much, it's possible that he's going to do his very best to not be receptive to anything that you do. It's possible that he's going to do his best to make sure that he is proven right while you are proven wrong.

I know that this might seem very discouraging, but it doesn't mean that your plan is impossible. It just means that you will likely have to come at it in a different way and in a way that he is not expecting.

A Different Approach: What worked for me (although it took me way too long to get a clue about this) was to make it look as if I had surrendered to the process. I conceded that I wasn't going to be able to change his mind, so I wasn't even going to waste everyone's time by trying. I conceded that perhaps I would like having some time to myself also. I went out of town and reconnected with friends. I admitted that I wanted to maintain a positive relationship because I didn't want to completely sever all ties as that was just silly. I said it was my goal to maintain a good relationship, even if that relationship changed.

All of these things were meant to encourage my husband to let his guard down so that he would be more receptive to me. Now, here is something that is very important to understand. This all can't be just an act. You truly do need to focus on yourself. You truly do need to take the extra time and spend it on yourself.

Yes, of course your want your husband back. But what you are saying and doing must come from a genuine place or he is going to be able to see right through it. I don't think it's any coincidence that by the time I accidentally began my own process, I had decided to take a step back. I don't think that I would have been able to pull it off if I hadn't. But of course, at that time, I did not understand then what I understand now.

What I am saying is that you might consider backing away in order to gain some ground. I know it seems backward at first glance, but I have seen it work many times.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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