Steps To Take When Your Husband Leaves You, But You Want Him Back: My Husband Left Me And I Still Love Him

I often hear from wives who feel pretty desperate. Their husband has left the home and they are quite afraid that a divorce or separation is on the horizon. They feel as if they have to work fast, before he's completely gone for good. They are often looking for a workable plan or a road map. They want to know, step by step, which plan has the best chance of working in getting him back.

Of course, every situation is unique and I certainly can't make any guarantees. But, I can tell you a strategy that has worked for me and many others. Fair warning though. It involves some acting as well as proceeding in a way that may not be intuitive - at least at first. I will describe these steps in the following article.

Step One After He Leaves: Set Yourself Up So That You Have Access To Him: The number one worry that you are going to have in the beginning is that you are able to communicate with him (and hopefully see him) while he's gone. Yet, so many of us set it up so that the opposite is quite possible. We act desperately, focus on negative emotions, and cling so tightly that it's his inclination to want to get away just that much faster.

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You're going to have to be very mindful of your reactions in the initial stages of this process. It's very important that you set it up so that you're going to have a decent amount of access to him. How do you do that? You resist the urge to focus on the negative. You don't act irrationally or desperately. You frame the situation so that he knows that you value both of your happiness and want to strengthen the relationship rather than weaken it.

Step Two: Let The Distance Work To Your Advantage: When I said that you need access to your husband, I meant that. But, it's also important that this be controlled access. Speaking of control, you're going to need to have firm control over your emotions, at least to the best of your ability. Your husband has likely left because he perceives several things. He likely wants some time and space to think about how to proceed. He likely thinks that the relationship is at a point where it can not change for the better. And, he might suspect that he would be happier without you than with you. He wants to test this out, so to speak, to see if these perceptions are correct.

It's vitally important that you set it up that when he thinks of you, he doesn't dwell on the negative connotations. If you nag, stalk, argue with, or engage with him, then you are very often doing more harm than good. You're setting it up that when he thinks of you, he just thinks of how glad he is to have his distance and he just might suspect that his suspicions were dead on.

This is the opposite of what you want. You want to conduct yourself with integrity and to show him exactly the person that you want him to see. Often, if you can leave him with positive rather than negative perceptions, he will begin to inch closer to thinking that his perceptions might have been wrong and perhaps he should reconsider. This is what you need to happen. So you always want to consider your actions with this in mind. You always want to ask yourself if what you are doing is going to bring him closer or to push him further away.

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Now, when you are apart, you can either see the distance as something very dangerous or you can set things up so that it works to your advantage. If he is having positive perceptions, he is much more likely to miss you and think of you longingly. Keep in touch and connected but don't take this to extremes. You are much better off letting him contact you and acting in a positive manner when he does.

You want to come off as someone who loves her husband and is sorry about this process, but who also wants both of you to be happy and, to that end, is coping as best as she can while taking advantage of the distance she has agreed to. I never advocate insinuating that you are seeing other people, but there is nothing wrong with going out with friends and letting him know that you are still exciting, alluring, and fun to be around to others. He needs to say you as the laid back, fun loving, and positive person that he fell in love with. Do your best to ensure that he sees you this way as much as possible.

Step Three When You Are Trying To Get Him Back: Do Not Push Him Away By Trying To Move Too Fast: It's completely understandable that you want him to come back to you as soon as possible. But understand that this is a delicate dance. You are so much better off letting him set the pace. I can not tell you how many people tell me that everything with this plan was going very well and they felt they had gained a lot of ground, but then they let their guard down and they pushed for too much too soon.

This often makes your husband doubt your sincerity and wonder if you are just playing a game to get him back. When this happens, your job only gets that much harder and you have much more work to do than you did initially. You are much better off moving at a snail's pace and allowing him to be the one who is wanting more.

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I'm looking for a few good men who want to learn how to save the marriage. I mean real men who screwed up their marriage by not paying attention at home, spending too much time at work, getting caught paying attention to someone else or just plain old being a lousy husband.

The following tip may help you but I must warn you that it might require you to turn in your man card and get a real man card instead.

Here's the tip to help you learn how to save the marriage.

Apologize To Your Wife (not by just saying I'm sorry)

Before you apologize you need to make a list of all of the important areas in your marriage where you know you haven't done your best. Maybe you should be spending more quality time at home or perhaps showing your wife how much you love her, or just being a great husband and father. You may not admit it but you know where you are slacking in your marriage.

Once you come up with a meaningful list commit to yourself that you are going to immediately begin improving these areas in your marriage. Obviously you don't want to apologize to your wife if you are going to continue being a slouch.

Let your wife know that you need to talk about your marriage and set up some private time where you won't be interrupted by kids or iPhones or other stuff. Warning! This may freak her out.

Once you get the quite time together began to explain to your wife how you feel that you have not been very good in some areas such as (this is where you refer to the list).

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The goal here is not to try and figure out how to save the marriage in one sitting but rather to sincerely acknowledge your shortcomings and your desire to make drastic improvements.

You may catch your wife off guard by doing this but that's a good thing. Your wife may appreciate more than you will ever know that you took the time to think about how to improve the marriage and you didn't even blame her or ask her to change anything.

Try to keep the focus on you changing and not get drawn into a deep discussion on why things are how they are or why you are all of a sudden looking to change.

There are two important things you want your wife to know and feel in her heart when you are done discussing this. (a) You are sincere and will be making changes (b) You love her very much and want to spend the rest of your life with her.

It's OK to shed a few tears during this conversation as this could be the turning point in your marriage. Remember, it's important to have thought through the changes you are going to make and start making them as quickly as possibly. The best way to show your wife that you were sincere is to let her see a different you.

You will slip up from time to time but as long as your wife knows where your heart is and that you are trying you will begin transforming your marriage and no longer be one of the guys trying to figure out how to save the marriage.

There are a lot more tips you can learn to make your marriage not feel like a job but a wild and passionate adventure. Your marriage is in your hands.

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A marriage is a tough thing to keep going. There's no getting around it. It takes constant work on both the family level, as well as the personal level. In fact, unfortunately it's probably more important on the personal level, since that's the only thing that you can actually control.

You may be looking into Save My Marriage Today so that you can figure out how to change your spouse or partner. Of course that would be nice to be able to do. I have wished plenty of times that I could change things about my wife, but when it came down to it, I realized that there was nothing I could do.

But, I did start to see that as I worked on myself and changed, I started to see rapid changes in her.

One of the things that I noticed after I started (begrudgingly) working on my own self was that I often didn't do what I said I was going to do. Now, there was no shortage of being told this. My wife certainly wasn't shy about saying so, but when she did I would automatically get defensive, and that would turn into a big nasty argument. (Isn't funny how we end up fighting over the silliest things sometimes?).

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Amy Waterman, the creator of Save My Marriage Today spells it out very clearly that we must work on changing our own habits and downfalls rather than trying to change your spouses or significant other. It was something that I hated about the course in the beginning. I guess because I'm a man maybe, I don't know. All I knew was that it was her that needed the changing. What the heck was wrong with this course?

But after using the strategies I started to see simple little changes in both myself and the relationship on a whole. Probably because these were things I hadn't actually noticed or took the time to care about changing. I knew down deep that I didn't do the things I said I would, but I didn't realize that every time I didn't do something it broke down the trust between my wife and I little by little. After all, why would you trust somebody who says they're going to clean the garage and never does? Or even something as simple as stopping to grab a gallon of milk. Little by little it's like chipping away at a stone.

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The question of how to know if your husband still loves you is one that unfortunately, many women find themselves asking. In most marriages, the days of love letters, flowers and him saying he how much he adores you don't last. They are instead replaced by managing finances, arguments over how to raise the children and emotional distance. It's hard sometimes to know exactly what your husband is thinking and feeling. You can certainly ask him but more often than not he'll just tell you that everything is fine and of course, he loves you. If you want more reassurance, there's a way to get it. There are certain signs in a married man's behavior that indicate that he's still just as crazy about his wife as the day they married

When you're wondering how to know if your husband still loves you consider how much time he's spending with you. To us, we generally consider quality spousal time as the moments when he's completely and utterly focused on us. Your husband may not see it quite the same way. To a married man, all those moments that include eating dinner, watching the news together and even tending to household chores as a team are viewed as deeply important to him. Those are times when he feels a strong bond with you. If he comes home from work everyday and shares that time with you, he still feels very close to you.

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Does your husband work hard to ensure your life is easier? Many men equate love with taking care of their wife. This encompasses a wide range of things. If he's putting in extra hours at work don't immediately discount that as his way of avoiding you. He's more than likely looking at the extra money as a way to make financial stress less troublesome for you. If he's always fixing things around the house, that's probably because he wants you to have a beautiful home that you can be proud of.

His level of interest in the things that are important to you is another way to gauge how much he loves you. Does he ask you about what's going on with your job? Does he listen intently when you tell him what you're feeling and thinking? If he does, he still loves you. You need to really start worrying if you feel ignored constantly. If your husband is always attentive and engaged in your conversations, his heart very much belongs to you.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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