How to have the Right Relationship and the Right work!

The importance of the RIGHT relationship

What happens to you when you have someone close in your life that you love and who loves you? Of course there are children, but in this article I am going to address your special relationship. It could be a spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or someone very special in your life. Perhaps you had this person at one time in your life and would like this again. Perhaps you are fortunate enough now to have this special person in your life. Perhaps you are alone or in a relationship which is not working. What do you do now? There are many things which come from a great relationship. Your sense of self increases, you become calmer, you have more intimacy, and overall you are happier. With regards to your work which you love and can do for a lifetime, having this special person in your life is critical. You feel support in your work, you have a cheerleader, and, most important, you can share your work passions and interests with someone special who is both interested in your work and cares deeply about you. Now seems like a good time for you to either make this special relationship even stronger or search for a new relationship which will align with your work.

The influence of close relationships on work

When you have someone to come home to, who shares a little of your passion about your work, this only makes your work stronger. You have someone to bounce ideas off, someone to give you advice without the silly performance review, and, most important, you have another person who loves you and has a vested interest in your work. Do you have this special person to come home to? If not, why? What is preventing you right now to do something about this? If you are reading this article and you are over 40, there is no time to waste. This is your time to be selfish and pursue this special person or make your current relationship if it is working even better.

How to build a strong relationship foundation

Assuming you have the right person for you in your life right now, it’s time to grow this relationship. Do you take at least an hour a day for deep conversations and recap of your day? Do you have special time set aside each and every day for sharing? Do you each take the time to really listen to each other every day? Do you have goals for the year which are aligned? Do you have date nights? Do you laugh together? Do you live for the moment and really appreciate and enjoy each other? Does the sight of the other person make you smile, make your heart flutter, and fill you with a sense of good fortune? Are you truly grateful for your partner as he or she is for you?

What happens when you have RIGHT work but WRONG relationship?

Let’s say you love your work but each day you come to a partner who is not supportive or appreciative of you and your work? As a result, you don’t feel like sharing and the two of you continue to grow apart. It seems like you no longer have anything to talk about. You secretly wonder how to escape soon. One way to try and break through this challenge is to really sit down with your partner and share each other’s values, goals, and perspective of each other. If you find there is little agreement and or support, it’s time for a transition plan out of the relationship, especially if there are no signs of compromise on either side. The reason that 1 out of every 2 marriages in North America ends in divorce is because one day we wake up and discover that we grew apart. It takes both sides to support development and growth and when one person is held back in a relationship from growing the relationship soon grows stagnant and eventually dies. This has an effect on the person who loves his or her work. Suddenly the work once loved becomes just a job again. This is an experience to be avoided after 40.

What happens with WRONG relationship and WRONG work?

This is worse. It gets harder to wake up each day, especially next to the person you are with. You feel trapped. You have no refuge. You continue on with your life, but you are simply a character in a play wearing a mask. You wonder when the genie will show up in your life to save you. Then one day you realize that it is up to you to force change.
I see this with many clients. They don’t change until the pain of not changing becomes worse than to make the change and then they do.

The magic of RIGHT work and RIGHT relationships

This is an authentic life. There are no more secrets. You tell yourself and others that you love your work and you love your partner and you love your life.
Each day you pinch yourself hoping the person you woke up next to wasn’t a dream. Then you realize it’s real and the person you really love and care about is right next to you and feels the same about you. You leap out of bed full of excitement about your day and your work. You pause for a moment worrying that the Human Resources police might stop you for being so joyful about work which is supposed to be about productivity and compliance not joy and fulfillment. Then you realize there are no HR police in your day and you smile. You are living an AUTHENTIC life. As a result, you are available to help others and be totally focused on your work and your relationships.

How to get out of a WRONG relationship

This is hard. Sit down; explain to the other person what is no longer working for you. Listen deeply to the other side. In many cases your partner may also be feeling the same way. Write down what you want and then share your sense of purpose in your life, your values, what you prize most in your life. Share the parts of your life you would like to change and why. See if you and your partner can be supportive after sharing. Agree to a plan to get closer. Within a year, if nothing seems to be changing, you will know the answer: you have to change. Like a domino effect, eventually the aspects of your life one by one will change for the better.

How to find the RIGHT relationship

First make a list of the criteria which is most important to you in a relationship. What MUST be in place for you in a relationship? It’s ok to be selfish here. Your second list is about what SHOULD be in place for you in a relationship. Don’t hold anything back. Of course also list what you want the other person to be like. Finally, your third list details what would be NICE if it was in place for you in a relationship. List everything, don’t hold back. With your criteria defined, you will start to attract exactly what you are seeking. This is how life works when you know what you want.

Your authentic life awaits you!

You can have the RIGHT relationship AND the RIGHT work. It takes effort and focus. You can do it and you deserve this now!

I'll be cheering you on as you go!

Craig Nathanson