The Situation: Aging Parents
Many couples are readjusting their lives and schedules so that they can be more attentive to the needs of their aging parents. A whopping 44 million adults in the United States are providing unpaid care to another adult, according to a recent study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and others.
Taking care of an aging parent that lives nearby could be as small as making an extra visit each week, helping with chores or driving to a doctor appointment. A more dramatic change could be your parent moving in with you or relocating to the town you live in. Alternatively, you might find yourself traveling long distances back and forth between your home and your parent's home to assist with their needs.
Effects on the Relationship
So how does this new situation affect a relationship? Each partner may be affected in a different way. The one with the parent will feel a new sense of responsibility and may feel guilty for having someone take up so much more of their time. The other partner may feel resentful of the time his/her partner is spending away from the household and the relationship; he/she may feel guilty about not being more supportive.
Here are some of the changes that may occur.
Tips for Coping
Use your best you: is the care giver feeling overburdened with her new responsibilities? Is the other spouse finding it difficult to take over household tasks the caregiver does not have time for anymore? Does anyone feel unsupported or abandoned? Plan ahead: It is about your life.
When you know that a change is imminent regarding an aging parent, create the time to discuss it with your partner. Discuss how this change will affect both of you. Here are some things to be addressed:
The Happy Result
One woman shared the following: "When my husband is supportive of my role as care giver of my mother, inside my heart opens up and I feel deep love and appreciation for him. I feel the essence of my femininity being honored and that is quite simply "soul food."
The husband said, "I am using some of the time that my wife is spending caring for her mom to catch up on projects and interests I have had for a long time and have not been able to get to. Instead of focusing on the fact that she is not available, I am grateful for the time to work on my projects.
It is powerful to be in solution mode when dealing with life's situations. There are solutions for couples who are faced with caring for an elderly parent. It is possible to keep a relationship strong and loving during this time.
Diane and Lewis Denbaum are relationship educators and the authors of "Madly In Love Forever," a book packed with heartfelt stories, easy-to-use help and no-nonsense advice to help you create the romantic relationship you desire. Two free chapters of their book are available at http://www.madlyinloveforever.com/free-chapters/