Why Do I Suffer?
As I wake up each morning I have to remind myself not to listen to the voice in my head. It is a constant barrage of negative thoughts about my life.
Luckily, this morning in particular that very wise part of me reminded me to “Thank, don’t think.” I have shared this with you in the past and it was extremely helpful to have that tidbit pop in my head. It calmed my thinking and also all the physical sensations going on in my body.
Have you ever paid attention to how your body is feeling as you are thinking? Whether it is a positive thought or a negative one there is usually a bodily sensation that accompanies it. When I feel really good this sort of energy flows from me that helps me to look around and see the world and my life differently. I can be outside and take in the beauty of it so easily. I can appreciate the music of the singing birds and even the constant barking of my neighbor’s dog.
However, when I am in a negative space my energy is low and I may not even hear the birds and that barking dog becomes an annoyance that I want to scream at. So, why is it that I suffer on some days and not on others? Why do any of us suffer is the real question that I would like for you to think about.
Here’s what I believe about suffering. It’s not a secret or something you have never heard before, more than likely. It’s just something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. The reason we suffer is because of our thoughts. We attach to the thoughts we have as if they were our sole identity. We believe what they are saying to us and we hang onto them for dear life.
Think about the last time you were in a public place and someone got too close to your personal space. What did you do? You moved away, right? Our personal space is extremely precious to us and we guard it vigilantly. It irks me when someone is talking to me a mere 6″ from my face and no matter how many times I back away they just keep coming at me. It makes me so uncomfortable that I can’t concentrate on their words much less enjoy the conversation.
As much as we guard our personal space and don’t usually allow anyone to invade it we will let any thought broach the boundaries of our mental well-being. If a thought comes in that tells us we aren’t good enough or our life sucks; we open the door to our mind and welcome it right in. We greet it with agreement. What this means is we suffer because of our untrained minds and all the negativity we allow in. We have to begin to guard our minds exactly the way we guard our personal space.
Think of it this way, the mind is like a strong adult elephant capable of taking us in any direction and we are riding on its back. One minute the elephant is walking slowly along grazing on grass and things are calm then the next it’s running along with trunk blazing in distress. We are constantly being taken on the ride of our thoughts which are the causes of life’s ups and downs.
We have to become the master of the elephant by placing a sentinel at the mind’s gate. This sentinel’s job is to guard and keep watch over all thoughts that try to enter the mind. If a negative thought knocks on the door the sentinel will turn it away. The sentinel represents your choice in what you allow in and what you don’t. If you want your life to be filled with joy and all the things you imagine wanting then you have to be stern and guard your mind with great discipline.
‘The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thought about it.’ ~Eckhart Tolle
How do you do this? You begin by taking a deep cleansing breath and decide to turn your thoughts to something else. If you are doing the dishes when a thought arises then laugh at it or do something off the wall like start dancing or sing really loudly. This will be an instant way to redirect your mind. In the Buddhist tradition there are mantras used to re-focus and re-purpose the mind. You can find an affirmation that makes you feel peaceful and calm, or your own mantra that distracts you for a bit. Other ways, if time allows, would be to pray, take a walk, listen to music, or meditate. Replacing the negative thought with something beautiful like imagining your child’s smile or the sound of their voice is one of the loveliest ways I find as do my clients. It all begins with awareness and taking a stand for your life by changing your perspective. Find ways that resonate with you that will send the negative thoughts away and allow only the beautiful ones to enter.
This will be challenging at times due to our nature of habit. It takes discipline but once you feel the shift that it brings to your life you will want to make it your everyday practice. My Dad shared having a sentinel at the gate of your inner world with me so I’d like to thank him. Thanks, Dad.
Now, instead of asking, “Why do I suffer?” ask “What will I do when a negative thought emerges?” It’s always a choice and I encourage you to get that sentinel on duty immediately. Please share in the Speak Your Mind section below on how you will deal with a negative thought the next time one knocks on the door.
Namaste,
Dawn Weaver, CPC
www.treeoflifecoaching.com
The Wisdom In Obstacles
April 2, 2014 by Dawn Howard Weaver 14 Comments
file1121279477225My son and I have been visiting our local Buddhist Center and the Tibetan Lama has taught us a great deal about the nature of the mind. One of the greatest gifts he has shared with us is on the value of patience.
I have heard many times that patience is a virtue and I would giggle to myself while thinking, ‘but I don’t really have time for virtues.’ Everything has a cycle and patience will serve us best when we remind ourselves of this. I have spoken on the cycle of emotions and how they have a beginning, middle, and end. Once an emotion arises (the beginning) we either hold onto it or resist it and it gets stuck. If we can allow ourselves to settle into it (the middle) and feel it without judgment then it will move through and out of us (the end) completing its full cycle.
Life is much the same way. Everything is impermanent and the sooner we can embrace this the more happiness and joy we will experience. Life is always morphing and changing into something different. We gain new jobs, we switch jobs, and we lose jobs. We marry, divorce, start again. We buy a house, then we sell it and then we move away. This is life, right?
These events can be difficult to embrace. When we face the loss of a job or marriage it can be devastating. We worry and wonder what will happen next. It can be trying to say the very least. But what if we could be so kind and gentle with ourselves by reminding ourselves that something is being exhausted. In other words, something is being finished up or ending so that something new and perhaps very beautiful can come into our life. We can’t see the hidden phenomenon taking place behind the Universal veil; but if we could soften and practice patience eventually it all is made clear.
‘Every cloud has a silver lining.’
In life, just as with emotions, there is a beginning, a middle and an end to everything. You get that new job and you work at it for awhile then it ends for various reasons. When we move on by choice it is easy to accept because we feel we are in control. We consciously made the decision to leave. When we get fired or laid off it doesn’t feel as good, does it? We definitely feel as if we had no control and the loss stings.
This is really where you can begin to practice patience. Remind yourself when obstacles show up there is wisdom within them if you will only listen. The wisdom is this, ‘something is being exhausted and a space is being cleared for something else to move into.’ It’s part of the cycle of life. I think this perspective is much more empowering than feeling at the mercy of life. The Buddhist teaching tells us this is a gift we can give ourselves as it helps us to accept what is and move forward with an attitude of acceptance. I see it also as an opportunity to be grateful.
‘Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time.’ ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
Essentially, every seemingly bad situation has some good aspect to it.. You have to be willing to look for it and practice patience though. If you are stuck in traffic you can practice it. When things don’t go as planned, practice it. Patience can be practiced wherever you feel there are obstacles in your life. Simply remind yourself that something is being finished up! and when it does something even more wonderful will be waiting to fill that space.
Life is always giving us opportunity to practice, how will you do going forward?
Dawn Weaver, CPC
www.treeoflifecoaching.com