Being cheated on is one of the most damaging things a person can ever experience. It can feel like an all-out attack on your softest, most vulnerable spots. There’s really no gentle way to put it – infidelity is the most intimate betrayal imaginable.
The upshot is that the experience of infidelity can do incredible damage to your self-image, confidence, and self-esteem. In other words, it can rock your world to the core and make you feel like you’re down for the count.
But you don’t have to stay down. You don’t have to let your partner’s betrayal define you or keep you miserable for long. You CAN overcome the pain of infidelity. Here are eight great ways to pick yourself up off the mat after infidelity has rocked your world.
Tips to Correct Your Thinking
Let’s be honest. Being cheated on can burrow down into the most private parts of your being. And once it gets that far, it can distort your thinking so much that you end up participating in your own continued self-destruction. We’ll start our list with a few tips to correct these thinking errors before the damage gets too severe.
Be gentle with yourself– This is where it all starts: your healing, your return to health, and your reconstruction. Treat yourself with compassion during this incredibly difficult time, just like you’d treat a beloved friend who’s in terrible distress. Stay away from harsh judgments and always look at yourself through a lens of kindness, empathy, and love.
Feel your feelings, but don’t live in them– Negative feelings are going to come up sometimes. And although it’s unhealthy to repress them, it’s also unwise to sink down into them and view them as facts. Think of your crappy feelings as flowers floating on a river. Experience them and let them pass you by.
Balance vigilance and detachment– In a way, your thoughts and feelings are separate from you. Sure, you need to pay attention to them, but not in a way that turns them into permanent fixtures in your mind and soul.
Look at your thoughts and feelings objectively, from a mental and emotional distance. This will let you evaluate them as true or false and help your true self within reach.
Stick with positive, healing narratives– The stories we tell ourselves are crucial to our sense of well-being.
And because these stories are largely fictional, it’s perfectly legitimate to narrate your life in a nurturing and optimistic way. This will help you say yes to rewarding relationships and to reject toxic ones.
Expect only the best– Being optimistic about your future is a big part of positive narratives. Envision the ways that would make your life a success and always focus on positive outcomes. And while it’s important to be realistic, you should accept only the best as well. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for unsatisfying relationships or a blah life.
Tips for Taking Action
Correcting your thinking errors is only part of the healing process. You’ll also have to take constructive and positive action. You have to take an active role in overcoming the pain of infidelity. Taking constructive action will sink into you and reinforce the optimistic thinking you’re now practicing. Here are a few of the actions you should take.
Set goals and work to achieve them– Experiencing personal success is a great way to pick yourself back up after infidelity. But you’ll need to be able to assess your progress, so set tangible, attainable goals and work diligently to achieve them. Start with simple, short-term goals and work your way up to larger ones. This will help keep your self-talk optimistic and nurturing.
Engage yourself with interesting projects– Creating projects to work on is a great way to get engaged with your own life and stay out of the painful rut that infidelity creates.
These projects can be anything that keeps your mind occupied and traveling outward. You can redecorate your house, work on your physical fitness, or start making things by hand. Anything that you can do with pleasure and be proud of when you’re finished.
Get involved– It’s important to keep your mind going outward and away from the despair that infidelity creates for you. A great way to accomplish this is to get involved with friends, family, and the community at large. Spend time with positive, nurturing people.
Help them with their difficulties and let them help you with yours. And go out into the community as well. You can participate in community projects, register people to vote, or do charity work. This will reinforce your positive self-image and increase your confidence.
It’s All up to You
Following these tips will empower you and restore your self-confidence. But this can only happen if you have enough faith to put in the work. These are things you can do no matter what you and your partner decide to do about your relationship.
You can’t depend on others to take care of your well-being. Develop a vision for your life and get busy making it happen. You’ll be surprised how quickly this will pick you back up after infidelity has dealt you a terrible blow.
C Mellie Smith knows first hand the pain of betrayal. At InfidelityHealing.com her mission is to help couples pick up the pieces and move forward toward a better relationship. Click here to get the help you so desperately need to cope.