Going through a cheating phase is always a trying and traumatic time in any relationship, most especially in a marriage because the options aren't that simple anymore; there might be long-term investments made together, a baby, families intertwined and so on.
Which means for married couples, walking away isn't that simple. However, a plethora of these reasons might not be justification enough for staying in an unhappy marriage.
That's why a married couple faced with the dilemma of dealing with a cheating spouse usually wants to try a different approach to figuring out what went wrong and if there is a way to solving it and getting back to the good old days of love and trust.
Many married couples try taking a vacation with their spouse when faced with infidelity, hoping it will be a means of fixing it.
That trip is popularly called a save-cation.
During a save-cation couples hope that through spending more time together and away from their daily distractions they might be able to communicate more and dig deep to find out what went wrong.
Unfortunately, a save-cation may not do this because, like most cheating incidences, it isn't always so easy to fix. Nonetheless, a save-cation has been helpful to some in some cases.
Before couples decide to take a vacation, they should first take time to look at the peculiarity of their situation as that is important to know the right move to make.
First, they have to make sure that the unfaithful partner is in some way remorse for their actions because it's like mom's old saying goes "if they aren't sorry, they are just going to go right ahead and do it again."
Fixing infidelity is a two-way thing, and will barely be successful if it is from one end. As a result, the guilty party has to have some form of remorse and also be willing to fix it.
Despite both parties being on board, a save-cation is a 50 - 50 option, it could go amazing, and it could go bad.
Although statistics state that most of the time it ends us stiffening the air between them, but that is not a reason not to try it altogether.
After all, if it is a relationship worth fighting for, you have to give it your best shot.
If you have decided to try taking a save-cation, it is important to know what it is and what it is not. A save-cation is time for a one on one evaluation of themselves and the relationship; it is not a time to spend excessively thinking about the outcome or what the other person might decide.
It is a period, to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you feel, what you want and problems in the marriage. Forget about the kids; you have most likely put them somewhere safe for the period, forget about work or friends and think.
For the cheater, this is a period of self-reflection where they try to figure out a possible cause or trigger for the cheating without trying to irresponsibly dump the blame on the other person. This goes without saying that the cheater should try to keep away from communicating with his or her cheating partner because this will cloud the probability of unbiased evaluation.
While for the other spouse they should recognize their emotions of hurt and try to let it go. It is important that they understand how not to take the blame for the cheating but at the same time be open about any of their actions that might probably be problematic to the marriage.
The success of a save-cation is very dependent on communication; the couple should communicate their feelings and resolutions by themselves without the intervention of any outside party.
Many times problems in relationships are caused by frustrations, which is in turn caused by lack of communication. Many couples go for a save-cation as the last resolve, when this is the case they should remember that there is nothing more to lose and everything to gain.
Deciding on a save-cation, couples should opt for locations with fewer distractions.
Yes, it is amazing to visit a new city and visit all the beaches and awesome places on your bucket list, but this trip is not for collecting souvenirs and updating your memory board, this trip is a technical one with the aim to deciding what next move to make in the marriage.
Therefore, they should try to take the pressure off having fun and focus on just trying to talk through it.
Taking a vacation with a cheating spouse to save a marriage, is a 50 – 50 chance, and either way, it goes, they will walk away knowing they have tried. At times when it works, it is only a first step to saving the marriage; there will be changes to be made and a dedication to putting effort to fix the marriage.
C Mellie Smith specializes in providing her readers with tips and tools to survive infidelity. With her expertise and studies, she hopes to help others rise from their struggles even stronger than before. You CAN get past this! Click here to get started building towards a happier, healthier marriage.