When it comes to suspicions of cheating, whether you think it is an emotional, physical, or cyber affair, it can be extremely tempting to just confront your spouse outright.
This natural response makes sense to you because you are probably feeling like your entire world is crashing down around you; as feelings of betrayal, hurt, and uncertainty surface.
Unfortunately, as much as you may want to do this, it is not the correct way to respond to suspicions, especially if you do not have concrete evidence.
This is because, if you don’t have concrete evidence, you are more than likely going to receive half-truths or lies which will confuse or compound the issue even further.
Instead, this article will detail what the best method for confronting your spouse is and what types of questions you can ask them without evidence.
Before jumping right into the conclusions that have been swirling in your head, keep in mind that if you confront your partner right away, they may choose to make you feel like you are being paranoid.
Plus, if you accuse, your partner may choose to hide their tracks better in future instances, making it harder for you to get the truth.
So instead, you have to take a step back and make sure you find proof, then prepare yourself for the confrontation, and make a plan about how you are going to deal with the issue. Here are the steps to take.
1) The first step is to make sure that you get the required proof. This can be anything from flirty text messages and e-mails to voicemails from someone you don’t know, to a piece of clothing that you know isn’t yours.
The key here is to find evidence that is indisputable, as this will ensure you won’t get played off as a paranoid fool and it will help you get through your own stages of denial.
The more proof you have, the better chance you’ll have at getting the truth out of your partner during the confrontation step.
2) The second step is getting yourself prepared. Not only will your partner more than likely deny wrongdoing, but they will probably get dismissive and defensive at the accusation.
If you prepare yourself for this, you will have an easier time accepting the reaction and keeping yours tempered. If the affair is emotional or done in cyberspace, where there have been no instances of physical intimacy, you will need to be ready for your partner to try and deceive you into thinking that what happened was harmless.
3) The third step is knowing what you want with regards to the purpose of the confrontation. Decide on whether you just want the truth, or whether you want a confession so that you can move on.
Figuring out whether you want to find a solution or using the confession to move on is imperative. If you want the honest truth, you have to approach your partner in a non-threatening way, otherwise, they are going to explode all over you and nothing good will come of it with regards to moving forward.
4) The fourth and final step is to make a plan for yourself. You have to choose a time and a place that best suits both of you so that there are no interruptions.
You also need to choose a place that will help keep you calm. You need to come up with a plan for how you will keep yourself cool and collected throughout the exchange. The idea here is to have a conversation and not a confrontation.
According to Romper, you can use the following questions as a guide during the confrontation conversation.
Some questions that you can use include:
If they are honest through this exchange, then you can ask if they want to salvage your relationship and what they are willing to do to regain your trust back.
Once you have had this conversation, you must move on to deciding what the resolution will be. If you want the relationship to work out despite the affair, then you need to insist that their behaviour has to stop as that is what you need.
When expressed in this manner, your partner may be less hostile and more understanding of the pain they have caused.
Regardless of the resolution you choose though, you have to keep in mind that acceptance of the affair and the pain that comes with it is a process that will take time.
C Mellie Smith specializes in providing her readers with tips and tools to survive infidelity. With her expertise and studies, she hopes to help others rise from their struggles even stronger than before. You CAN get past this! Click here to get started building towards a happier, healthier marriage.