My Husband and I Argue Everyday: Leaving The House During An Argument

My Husband and I Argue Everyday: Leaving The House During An Argument

Conflict resolving skills are a very important part of any relationship, so improving those skills will have a positive affect on your marriage relationship. Although developing these alone will not necessarily save your marriage, they will move things in the right direction. Nurturing the love you have for your spouse is the foundation that will ultimately hold your marriage together. In this article however, I would like to talk a bit about how problems or discord occur and then obstacles to conflict resolution. Learning to deal with problems in a more positive way will undoubtedly help to keep the feelings of love from fading completely.

First, let's talk about how conflict occurs. There are several ways it starts but in the most basic form, it boils down to someone getting hurt by the words or actions (or lack of actions) of another.

Now let's talk about obstacles to conflict resolution. Once there is a problem and anger has appeared, typically these six things will keep people from working through the difficulty.

1. Being close minded. This is a killer and will halt many many things in a relationship.

2. Believing you are right, no matter what. You know this is not going to be true all the time, so letting go of pride and showing humility is necessary.

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3. Believing there is only one right answer or outcome, and that it is yours. Again, nobody is right all of the time. It just isn't possible. A perspective change is most definitely needed.

4. Invalidating the other persons point of view, opinions, feelings or thoughts. Feelings are what they are and they are not necessarily right or wrong. They simply exist. The best thing is to be willing to accept t hat the other person feels a certain way, even if you don't agree with it.

5. Using inflammatory words such as criticism and blame. This includes name calling.

6. Being disrespectful to the other person.

Conflict-Resolving the Right Way:

1. Be open minded and flexible in your thinking. Remind yourself that you need to really listen to hear what the other person has to say. Use empathy as a way of connecting to them. Validate their feelings, after all, it is how they feel.

2. Use neutral language without criticizing the person or placing blame. A great way to do this is to use "I " statements rather than "you" statements. "You" statements immediately put the other person on the defensive and communication breaks down at that point.

3. Focus on the issue as the problem, rather than the person. After all, there was an action or a behavior that caused the problem to begin with. It is that thing that you need to work on. By focusing on the problem, you will not put down the other person. Once that starts, it is hard to recover from so avoid it at all costs.

4. Be respectful of the other person and their feelings. The old saying of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" really is important. If all you are going to do is hurt the other person with your words, take a breather until you can find some perspective and calmly discuss the matter. Empathy will go a long way here.

5. After it is resolved, decide to forgive, let go, and move forward. As with any new skill you learn, resolving conflict will take practice. It's not easy to change habits, attitudes and behaviors, but it is possible. Keep this concise list with you and it will help you to stay focused, avoid the obstacles to resolving the problem, and remind you of a better way to handle disagreements.

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"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. How true!

Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they were miles away even though they were sitting next to you? They might have appeared to be listening, but you could sense that they weren't really mentally and emotionally present in the conversation.

We all have moments when our mind wanders and we lose focus, but if this happens frequently, our relationships with others will be negatively affected. In a marriage, intimacy is enhanced by feelings of connection and harmed when partners start feeling disconnected.

When a spouse is physically present but mentally "out to lunch," the partner will feel the difference. Something important is missing, and what is missing is the spouse's full attention to the conversation or activity. Often, the distracted spouse is feeling rushed, bored, impatient, or stressed. When that happens, the natural tendency is to constantly mentally leap ahead to the next items on the "to do" list.

If this describes you, then you are missing the experience you are having right now because you are so focused on what you're gong to do next. By living in the future, you miss the present. Besides robbing yourself of the enjoyment of the current experience, you are also negatively impacting how others feel when they are around you.

"I'll make it up to him (or her) later," you may tell yourself as you rush through yet another conversation without really looking at your spouse closely or hearing what's really being said. In the mean time, the feeling of disconnection between the two of you grows and intensifies.

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One of the ways you can show respect and caring for your spouse is to give the gift of undivided attention. Likewise, you show respect and caring for yourself when you value connecting deeply with others, and that can only be accomplished in the Now. One of the best presents you can give others and yourself is to practice being fully present in your life.

It takes practice and discipline to pull yourself back to the present moment when your mind jumps ahead into the future. Breaking any long-standing habit is difficult and can take weeks, even months, of practice. But the pay-off for learning to live more of your life consciously and with more awareness of the present moment is significant.

Until you can learn to listen intently and focus your total attention on the other person, you are not connecting at the deepest, most intimate level. As Mary Catherwood observes, "Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet." This is the tragedy that befalls many marriages.

Follow these five tips to be more present when you interact with your spouse:

1. Stop what you are doing and look at your partner when he/she is talking to you. This shows respect and will make it easier to keep focused.

2. When your mind wanders, gently re-direct it back to the present moment. Take a deep breath to help you stay anchored and centered.

3. Ignore stray thoughts that flit across your mind, trying to distract you. If you don't give them attention, they won't "hook" you.

4. If you are too distracted to concentrate, tell your spouse, "It's really important to me to focus on what you're saying, and I can't seem to concentrate right now. Could we schedule a time to talk later today?"

5. Keep the bigger picture in mind. You are investing time and energy into creating satisfying intimacy with your spouse. Each interaction either adds a deposit to the intimacy "piggy bank" or makes a withdrawal from it.

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Many women are trying to answer the question "can my husband love me again", because marriages often go in the direction of the economy. Instead of leaning on each other in tough times, we look for someone to blame.

Or maybe finances in your house are not the problem.

Either way it is tough to live in a bad relationship, always searching for ways to save your marriage. A marriage does take work to keep it healthy, but it is supposed to be enjoyable more times than not.

If you feel an increasing distance between you and your husband in the marriage then chances are that he feels it to. Just as you are asking can my husband love me again, maybe he is right now reading another article finding out how to make you love him!

He may be willing to make some changes in order to save your marriage also; but if not, your job will be a lot tougher or even impossible.

Right now, though, we will concern ourselves with you and what you can do; and work on him later.

Are you taking out any frustrations on your husband currently? If I asked him "is your wife a nag?", how would he answer?

Do you disrespect him in front of others or the kids? We should be in the habit of building up our spouses, not cutting them down.

Understand that I am just covering bases here, you may not be guilty of any of these things. And maybe your husband is. To win back his love may require a little stretching on your part.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Our hope is that the end goal, getting him to love you again, will be worth it.

One common mistake women in your situation make is to feel there is a problem in the marriage and start "over compensating". What I mean is that they may start trying too hard to seek attention and approval from their husband and end up coming off as needy or pathetic.

You do not need to go overboard the other direction to try to get your husband to love you again. Instead you just want to start acting correctly, and let the natural effects of treating him properly take hold.

Sure, there are a few special techniques we can show you, but in general we want you to stop doing what is wrong (if anything) and replace those actions with what is right - things our experience tells us work.

And be prepared for the mistakes you husband will make. If you can talk about what you are feeling with him and get him on board in rebuilding the love in your marriage then all the better.

But men are different creatures and will see things differently than women do. Understanding those differences can be key to your success.

What is the same is that your husband wants to feel love and appreciated just like you do. If he is not getting those warm fuzzy feelings of love from you then he may be withdrawing his love.

Send the proper signals in order to get the desired response.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Couples who get married are so optimistic and hopeful about their future life together. They are so happy in love, enjoying the new bond they made together, its as though time for that moment stood absolutely still and the rest of the world didn't exist. You both were so madly in love, that nothing could separate you and a minute spent apart seemed like an eternity. Life was BLISS...

Miserably, not all marriage relationships were made to last, no matter how much blessings, good fortune or luck was bestowed on the marriage at it's conception. Somethings weren't meant to be... or were they?

At least 50% of marriages end up on the divorce heap or carefully filed in a round file in the trash can. If you're determined to not only work at it, but ready to exert positive action in the hope to avoid, at all cost a terrible break up and strengthen your marriage, then here's a little suggestion of what you can do and some advice that you can have for free. Get marriage counseling, the first solution every married couple should attempt when the relationships wheels fall off.

Marriage counseling? you may ask. For your sake and mine, I'll honestly answer the question as best I can in no time flat. From the beginning of the marriage counseling session, the counselor helps couples, draw their attention to any conflicting matters they may have to resolve any problems hindering the relationship. During the marriage counseling sessions, the counselor helps to bring out and underpin any repressed feelings the couple may be suffering and focuses on any hidden core issues the marriage is experiencing, to find an easy step by step, pragmatic plan.

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What kind of Marriage counseling questions will I be asked?

The marriage counselors task at hand is to listen carefully to each others side of the story, ask you both direct personal questions and examine your answers, with out prejudice. The marriage counselors main goal is to work with the couple in a safe-haven surroundings, so each person can express how they feel in an open and honest discussion with no shouting, name calling, finger pointing or arguing. Questions should touch on issues that reflect various problems the couple may have had in the past, compounded to the present and probably worsening in the future. The marriage counselor uses a majority of his time, during the consultation in and around past events.

The couples past can reveal the root cause that troubled the marriage in the first instance and the marriage counselor can resolve it. Decisions made by each spouse at present without addressing past problems will only repeat the same decisions process in future, so through out the counseling session, the counselor encourages each couple to discuss the past and current situation in their relationship to gather more information. Its compulsory that both parties, individually participate in explaining their situation in order not to see the relationship from the same point of view or in the same light. Basically having one person seeing the relationship from one angle and the partner from another, the marriage counselor will be able to view the relationship from both sides.

A more common question asked by marriage counselors, is if they have children, and How are you coping with the situation of your children?

The children have precedence over the adults especially the young ones, when discussing their welfare situation, they must be protected and cared for at all times. No exceptions, no excuses, their your living priceless treasures. Cherish them.

Marriage counselor might ask what marriage goals the couple would like to meet and what they want from the counseling sessions. In order for the marriage counselor to know which direction the marriage should take, it is extremely imperative the couple have realistic goals. What type of help will they get? What type of results they could expect? How much more counseling do they need? are but a few questions a couple might ask. With those questions in mind the counselor will search for a practical plan that the couple could use to achieve their goal together. Clear and defined goals rapidly increases the success rate of the marriage counseling and relationship.

Marriages in serious trouble can attain dynamic results from the help and guidance of marriage counseling.

By consulting with a marriage counselor, couples can work through their marital differences even if the marriage is on the rocks. With a ton of patience and professional help, you and your spouse can successfully save your relationship, maintain a beautiful family and remain happily married.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.