According to the latest statistics from the American Psychological Association, as many as 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Unfortunately, that percentage is even higher among those who have been married before, and even more alarmingly, the number of breakups occurring between unmarried couples is even higher yet. The sad truth is, many people go through multiple relationships before finding that one person they can share their life with, and sometimes even that never happens. Whether you opted out of the relationship or your partner decided to call it quits, you can’t let this breakup define the rest of your life. It’s what you do now that really matters.
Before going any further, it is important to understand that blaming yourself or your ex is never healthy. At this point, it doesn’t matter who was at fault because that won’t change anything. You can recognize events that led up to the breakup so that you can work to avoid future replays, but blame only tends to keep the wounds raw and open. Emotional healing can only begin when you allow the healing process to begin. Consider breaking a leg without having the bones set. Not only will it take longer to heal if you continue walking on that leg, but that leg may sustain greater damage and you may never walk right again. That’s why it is so important that you let the healing process begin as soon as possible.
Going back to that analogy of a broken leg, remember that the doctor leaves a cast on until the bones have set and fused. Taking off the cast too early can lead to further complications and that would be what you would most likely experience if you try to jump too quickly into a new relationship. Take this time to look at what you want in a relationship and how much you are willing to invest in it. A little introspection goes a very long way.
If you are totally honest with yourself, you’ll know when the time is right. If you can wake up in the morning without mourning the loss of that relationship and if you aren’t comparing every person you meet to your ex, it may be time to test the waters.
Some people meet potential partners on social sites like Facebook where an online friendship can lead to a budding romantic liaison. However, an ever-growing number of people are finding their life’s partner on dating sites, and that is something you might also like to explore. Just be aware of the differences between the two main types of online dating sites. You can visit free dating sites, or you could join a paid dating site, but it is important to understand that you usually get what you pay for. Free dating sites are great for meeting up with people and getting back in the swing of flirting a bit, but those sites are rarely monitored quite like paid dating sites. If you want to have a higher level of assurance that the people you are talking to are who they say they are, paid sites would be the way to go. It’s hard to pretend to be someone you are not when paying with a credit card or PayPal.
The point to remember in all this is that it is important for you to first take time to allow yourself to go through the healing process. Carrying anger or guilt can damage your already fragile state of mind. Once you have learned who you are and what you really want out of life, it’s time to get your feet wet yet again. Take your time. Don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire. When the right person comes along, don’t project anything from past relationships onto your new romantic interest. Always start with a clean slate so that you can write a new story together with a new partner.
Biologist by day, writer by night, and a huge geek. My fields of expertise could be summed up to health, fitness and nutrition-related topics. My interests are on the other hand wide and ever-evolving.