10 Discipline Approaches to Avoid

If you’re looking for some discipline help so you can increase motivation, responsibility, and learning in young people, then stay away from the following 10 counterproductive discipline approaches.

1. BEING REACTIVE
Parents and teachers too often become stressed by reacting to inappropriate behavior. It is far more effective to employ a proactive approach at the outset to inspire children to want to behave responsibly and then use a non-adversarial response whenever they do not.

2. RELIANCE ON RULES
Rules are meant to control, not inspire. Rules are necessary in games but when used between people, enforcement of rules automatically creates adversarial relationships. A more effective approach is to teach procedures and inspire responsible behavior through expectations and reflection.

3. AIMING AT OBEDIENCE
Obedience does not create desire. A more effective approach is to promote responsibility; obedience then follows as a natural by-product.

4. CREATING NEGATIVES
The brain thinks in pictures, not in words. When people tell others what NOT to do, the “don’t” is what the brain images. Example: “Don’t hit your brother!” Always communicate in positive terms of what you DO want. Example: Keep your hands to yourself.

5. ALIENATING YOUTH
Even the poorest salesperson knows not to alienate a customer, but parents and teachers too often talk to young people in ways that prompt negative feelings. Negative feelings stop any desire of children to do what you would like them to do. People do “good” when they feel “good,” not when they feel bad.

6. FOR TEACHERS, CONFUSING CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT WITH DISCIPLINE
Classroom management is the teacher’s responsibility and has to do with teaching, practicing, and reinforcing procedures. Discipline, in contrast, is the student’s responsibility and has to do with self-control. Having clarity between these the two is necessary for both preventing and solving problems.

7. ASSUMING
Too often, adults assume young people know how to do what is expected of them. A more effective approach is (a) teaching expectations and procedures, (b) having the child practice, (c) having children visualize the process, and later (d) reinforcing the procedure by having them practice again. This process is necessary in order to have young people be successful in performing the activity.

8. EMPLOYING COERCION
This approach is least effective in changing behavior. Although adults can control a child temporarily, adults cannot change a child. PEOPLE CHANGE THEMSELVES, and the most effective approach for actuating others to change is to eliminate coercion. NOTE: Noncoercion is not to be confused with permissiveness or not using authority.

9. IMPOSING CONSEQUENCES
Although consistency is important, imposing the same consequence on all people is the least fair approach. When a consequence is imposed, be it called “logical” or “natural.” children are deprived of ownership in the decision. A more effective and fairer approach is to ELICIT a CONSEQUENCE or a PROCEDURE TO REDIRECT IMPULSES that will help each children how to become more responsible. This can easily be accomplished by asking people if they would rather be treated as a group or as individuals. They will readily have a preference to be treated as individuals and have ownership in the decision that will help them, rather than hurt them.

10. RELYING ON EXTERNAL APPROACHES
We want to assist young people to be self-disciplined and responsible. Both traits require internal motivation, but rewarding behavior and imposing punishments are external approaches. They also place the responsibility on someone else to instigate a change and, thereby, fail the critical test: How effective are they when no one is around? The greatest reward comes from the self-satisfaction of one’s efforts. In addition, by rewarding kids with something they value (candy, stickers, prizes), we simply reinforce their childish values, when what we really hope to do is to teach them about values that will last a lifetime.

In contrast to these counterproductive approaches, the DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS TEACHING MODEL uses approaches that eliminate counterwill, the natural response to coercion.