Husband And Wife Not Sleeping Together: Husband And Wife Sleeping In Separate Rooms
When the intimate side of your marriage starts to fade, there is a very good chance that your marriage is in a lot of trouble. A marriage without intimacy cannot last, and if you can accept that there is something drastically wrong, and do something about it right away, then you could very possibly save your marriage.
It is a known fact that intimacy is the most important part of married life. When you and your spouse decided to get married, it was because you loved each other so much and wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. Intimacy in a marriage is the ultimate way to demonstrate your love for your chosen partner. Obviously if you are in a marriage without intimacy, it means that the feelings that you and your spouse had for each other are beginning to fade.
However, if you and your spouse do still love each other as much as before, then it is definitely time to talk about this problem and fix it as soon as possible. Marriage without intimacy is like two strangers living in the same house - this is not an ideal situation for a married couple to be in.
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Of course there is the possibility that your spouse is involved in an affair and has lost interest in the intimate side of your marriage. However, it is not a good idea to jump to conclusions about this - take some time to have a good talk to your spouse to establish exactly what the problems are, and then do all you can to fix them.
Being in a marriage without intimacy might not bother you or your spouse too much at the moment, but as time goes by there is definitely a danger that one of you will have an affair. Of course if this happens, the problem then becomes enormous and will take a very long time to fix, if ever.
If you and your spouse love each other, don't live in a marriage without intimacy. Think back to how good your marriage was in the beginning and work towards living your lives that way again. Bring back the romance into your lives, and the intimacy will definitely return!
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Sometimes you find that things are not going well and divorce seems to be inevitable. All the same, you don't want divorce to end your relationship. Can you do anything about it? Yes, you can. If you don't want divorce, you can do three things to stop it.
1) Stop Complaining:
When you don't want divorce but your partner does, keep your cool. Follow the golden rule of silence. Do not react to anything that seems to provoke you. Stop complaining. Let your partner wonder what has happened to you. The only thing you should do is to let your partner know that you don't want the divorce. Even this should be done in a subtle and indirect way, in order to be more effective. You can drop hints suggesting that couples go through this kind of experience now and then and are still together. However, hammering on this point too often may antagonize your partner.
2) Do not take your partner for granted:
One of the things that will annoy anyone the most is their being taken for granted. Do you sometimes dismiss your partner's views, without even bothering to consider them? It is always better to acknowledge the concerns of the other person and persuade him or her to accept your view rather than abruptly dismiss the other's objections.
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3) Be more agreeable:
When you started dating your partner, you were probably on your very best behavior. It is natural for anyone to project their best side at the beginning of a relationship, in order to win a mate's heart. But after the relationship gets stabilized, the need for projecting one's best side disappears and the less agreeable side of the person begins to reveal itself. This will definitely be resented by the partner. If you don't want a divorce, you need to become a more agreeable person, by reinforcing the positive personality you so actively built up during the courting days.
These tips may not work in every situation. If the relationship has become strained to a great degree, it may not be possible to put things back into position. But these tips will be very effective in situations where the strains have started appearing but have not gone so far as to break down communications.
If you don't want divorce you will have to follow these things on a long term basis. You need to learn to not whine, to agree and to do it all with a smile on your face.
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Understanding the signs that your marriage is in big trouble is the first step in your attempts to revive your marriage. While it may be too late if the relationship is too far gone, if you catch things before they spiral too far out of control, it is possible to revive your marriage rather than taking it off life support.
Often, the end of a marriage is due to the culmination of a lot of little things, not one event in particular. You need to be sensitive to the early signs of trouble before they little things snowball into an irreconcilable mess.
One of the first things to go in an ailing marriage is communication. How do you and your spouse communicate these days? Do you have meaningful conversation or are you more in the "in the same room but on a different planet" stage? If your communication has devolved, this is a sign that the marriage is on the fritz. This HAS to be addressed if you want to revive the marriage. How happy will you be as that couple who is in the same room but on different planets? When communication breaks down, the relationship can easily spiral beyond repair from there.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
If you truly believe that you and your spouse can revive your marriage, then you need to take action now, while there is still hope of fixing your marital problems. You have to talk with your spouse, hear them out as much as they hear you, and try to make amends and work to move forward with more open, honest communication.
With a bit of introspection and attention to your spouses mood, you can begin to see the areas of your relationship that are in need of attention. When you figure out where things began to go wrong, you know what you need to do to revive your marriage and make things right between you and your spouse again. Work on these things and you and your spouse can rebuild that bond and make it stronger and deeper than ever before.
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In this article I have identified seven triggers in marriage that are often used for justification for divorce, but really, none of these seven things warrant divorce or provide any validation what so ever for divorce.
1. Sexless marriage.
We don't want sex because we have lost touch with our spouse; essentially the bond that was there has been broken. When we spend too much time towards outside interests and wanting to be with friends we don't feel like getting sexy or even having sex with our spouse!
Marriage needs attention! But we're giving that attention to our friends. It's true, woman usually give marriage the most attention, but we women are also more conscious of what needs our attention and consideration in the home.
Face it, we women are more aware than men, and that is why God's specifically designed women to be in the home taking care of EVERYTHING instead of the man.
This is precisely why you should NOT break it off. You obviously need to spend more time together and get reacquainted like when you first married. You can't do that if you are ignoring your spouse.
If your marriage is sexless or you are having sex infrequently it is time to bring romance back into the bedroom. You know what to do.
2. You constantly criticize your spouse
If we often criticize and nag it is because we are expecting too much from our spouse, and when things don't get done at the designated time, or in the exact way we would do it, we criticize and complain.
Faults become more apparent when expectations don't get met. We criticize our spouse because we blame them for the disarray of the marriage. We notice all their faults, feel all their faults, and live all their faults. Essentially we are living in our spouse's faults. No wonder we constantly criticize.
We are too connected to the faults of our spouse, and so disconnected from the relationship of marriage!
Hectic schedules can often make us come across as naggy and critical. It's because we're so stressed out! We want things done and think if we nag about it, it will get done. We're so busy that we don't have time to deal with the children, chores, cooking, career, and household.
It is perfectly OK to delegate chores around the house to help lighten the load a bit. But what really needs to be done is to back off with the criticism and let our spouse be who they are.
This is all the more reason why we shouldn't break it off. Now is the perfect time to learn to accept our spouse for the way they are and stop trying to change things that we can't!
God certainly does not like that we criticize and disrespect who we married, and so the first action here would be to look at our self and see what it is that WE can do to change the situation to bring less negative attention towards our spouse.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
3. You compare your spouse to others and you THINK your spouse never measures up.
Comparing is wrong. When you compare in a negative way you are essentially telling your spouse that they aren't good enough for you. It can lead to a poor self-esteem in the long run and leads to peer pressure type thinking where you spouse may feel they need to continually challenge the person they are being compared to so he or she can prove they are better in some way.
But this is a fallacy of wrong thinking taking over in how you perceive your spouse to be. Everyone is different and as long as you continue to compare two people that are different, and expect him or her to be the same it will never happen. Your expectations once again will not be met and disappointment sets in.
Don't compare your spouse to other people. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People are beautiful in their own way.
4. You try to change your spouse and it doesn't work.
Try this for a change. As a self help technique, have your spouse
write down YOUR bad habits, and the things that irritate him or her about you. Read them, study them, and change yourself! Reality check!
5. You don't laugh anymore and it is impossible to have a lighthearted conversation.
Couples don't laugh anymore because of all of the above. Marriage needs attention. Marriage needs fun and games brought into it now and again. What are you waiting for?
6. You THINK you are doing all the giving.
Are you keeping score! I know, lets play Santa!
Let's pretend we're Santa Clause. Now lets check our list to see who has been naughty or nice. If my spouse has been nice to me this week, I will give them a present, but if they we're naughty, just forget it.
Children all over the world are growing up understanding all about how to give conditional love, and when they get married they can treat their own spouse conditionally like Santa did to them.
"No Dear, I'm not going to have sex with you tonight, you were mean to me all day today. Maybe tomorrow, if you're nicer to me."
Comedy shows like to depict this kind of behavior has being funny. This conditional sex-love dilemma in marriage is all about learning to give of your self even when you don't want to.
Couples love selfishly because they do not have the knowledge to love properly. They love the way they have been taught to love. It is a conditioned and learned experience.
What is love?
It's not lust that's for sure! Lust frequently gets confused with love in the beginning stages of a romance and marriage, but all lust really is, is being rapt in the novelty of a new relationship that brings with it feelings of euphoria.
Lust is a sexual thing, while love is not. You can still love someone and not have sex with them.
Love sometimes takes years to develop. Love is a process of learning through your own spiritual and mental growth, and then giving of you self, whatever that might be, even when you don't want to. It is a practice in remembering of sorts to take action in those areas in your life that are, or should be important to you.
Bottom line, love is a development of ones self through the growing process, and then learning to practice that love to those who are important to you. It is a continual growing process that you learn to develop with time.
To give is to love, and to love is to give. Giving can only come from a heart and mind that is free of selfish precedents and self-seeking based love. This involves not just surrendering sinful and selfish ways over to God, but allowing the Spiritual Christ into your heart and mind for emotional, and spiritual support.
Without God's support in the marriage, couples are essentially utilizing their self-seeking love in the marriage, which in the long run cannot sustain a healthy and productive marriage.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
7. You no longer feel good about yourself.
You don't feel good about your self, because you do not know your self.
Low self-worth, depression and loneliness usually mean that we are not doing something in our life that we know we should be doing. We are not using all of our abilities to come to our potential. If we are living in a particular sin in our life and feel like we can't get out, that will keep us from coming to our full potential in marriage.
Unfortunately when this happens in marriage, we tend to be overly needy with our spouse, believing that they should make us FEEL happy and good about our self.
But is that the responsibility of our spouse?
It is God that frees us from the weakness of sin. If we are living in sin, then we are not loving our self. If we don't feel good about ourselves, we certainly cannot love others. Resent-filled hearts cannot love, it is impossible.
If we are living in our negative feelings, which many people do, we will not know the fulfillment of knowing what "real love" is.
Surrendering our guilt, resentment, angry feelings, and sin to God will free us from behaving selfishly and rebelliously toward our spouse in the marriage. Essentially it is when we let go of the hate in us that we learn to love.
Here is how it works, we give up the weakness that has been taking over our life, and we finally grow spiritually into a new person in Christ. That is when we learn to love who we are, and also loving others freely without negative feelings tearing at our flesh.
This issue is the root to all of the above issues. This is why I stress constantly in all of my articles, newsletters, and books, "to take care of your self first".
That is the challenge most of us face on a daily basis, whether it be in our marriage or other relationships with people. If WE our in need of life, we certainly cannot give life to another.
Remember that none of these issues warrant breaking it off, they do warrant though, putting forth more effort in those areas that need our attention.
And these are the 7 reasons why you shouldn't break it off. Your marriage needs attention!
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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