When partners create tunnel vision in their lives focusing all their energies on certain endeavors, they tend to loose sight of their partner and the relationship. These are the partners who feel disconnected and end up dissatisfied in their relationship.
A relationship can’t survive, never mind thrive, in neglect and abandonment. When our lives are full of To-Dos, chores, demands, busyness, obsessions, addictions, and are just plain focused on one or more particular endeavors (work, projects, children, etc.), we create a negative context for our partnership, a sea of muck for it to drown in.
When our partner falls down low on our priority list, are simply not taken into consideration on our daily coming and goings, or are just there because they are expected to make our life easier, we have lost sight of a key person in our life and a key factor in our happiness and satisfaction.
Life tends to get in the way of our relationship if we let it. We get too absorbed in what we are doing that we fail to appropriately attend to our partner and relationship. The longer we remain in this sea of darkness, the harder it is to find our way back to the bright shore…
I have seen this happen all too often. Partners share how they had set out to work really hard to secure their future together, but lost each other on the process. Some were so intent on their path that they got in each other’s way, and yet others just went down different paths and realized it when it was too late!
When these couples come in for counseling, they are so disconnected, hurt, dissatisfied, disillusioned and resentful, that a lot of our initial work has to do with undoing this mess! We have to rescue the couple back from the depths of darkness and the grip of death.
To prevent this gloomy scenario from becoming a reality in their relationship, partners need to make a conscious effort to avoid taking the relationship and their partner for granted. They need to be aware of when routines become too routine, when they are rushing about and are not present, and when they are consumed with other priorities and are neglecting and abandoning their partner, and take a moment to nurture the relationship give to their partner. Stop being distracted by life and start swimming to shore!
Happy Swimming!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Create a list each of Caring Behaviors you would like to experience from your partner. Make the lists comprehensive and thorough so each partner has a wide variety of nurturing behaviors to choose from their partner’s list. Implement two Caring Behaviors each day and recycle items. These are a gift. Don’t keep tabs and don’t hold them over each other’s head. Enjoy giving each other pleasure!
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.