We are asked and begged to be Mindful by our partner. More often than not we hear their plea as a complaint or criticism. We do not recognize their cry for connection and love. This is because they might not have the language or know how to ask us to be in connection with them. They might instead indeed complain that we are not around, too busy, distracted, controlling, demanding, etc. But all they are saying is, “I can’t feel you. Please show the real you to me.”
Wow! Can you imagine our partner actually asking the real us to show up to our interactions! We might not know how to respond to that. Do we know who the real us is? If our partner is complaining that we are not available, however they do that, then they have experienced a disconnect with us and are having a relationship with our Defense Mechanisms. Ugly! Not for nothing they are complaining.
Pay attention to what is behind your partner’s complaint. Whether they appear to be asking for togetherness or space, underneath it all is the need to feel understood, gotten, connected and loved. Go figure!
Pay attention to how you are approaching your partner and how you are responding to their request for connection. Are you relating with your Defense Mechanism and not your true self? When we operate from our defense mechanism place we are not very attractive. Pay attention to what you are bringing forth. Is this how you would describe yourself as a person? Is this what you would put on your resume? Is this what you want on your eulogy? It is unfortunate that we do not put our best foot forth in our relationship. We do not give of our true self and show the real us in our relationship. We are short changing ourselves and our partner!
Notice and welcome the invitation to show up to your relationship. Give a positive RSVP to being Mindful and Present in your relationship. Stop squandering yourself by Doing and channel your Being into your relating. Be with your partner. Get a chance to experience exhilaration and joy!
Happy Being!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
It is time to decide to be Mindful. Your life and relationship depend on it. Explore this concept with your partner and choose one behavior each that you will do to start Being more Present in your relationship.
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected.