When dealing with infidelity men are surprisingly more easily hurt and more deeply wounded than women in many cases. If you cheated on your husband and are now trying to put the pieces of your marriage back together, you both have a difficult task ahead.
All people have a strong need to know that they can count on their spouse to be dependable and concerned. Infidelity turns a person's world perception upside down and makes the world a very frightening and unpredictable place.
When we trust, we must be willing to let go of fear and simply believe in the other person. The degree to which we trust helps build our self-image and sense of security.
When trust is shattered, it can also shatter self-perception. It is important, when helping your husband recover from your affair, to help him regain a sense of control and stability.
The lack of trust that is triggered by dealing with infidelity can spread throughout the wounded party's life to include friends, co-workers and others, and it can be very debilitating.
That's why it is important for husbands of women who have been unfaithful to strive to learn to trust again. Luckily, wives who have been unfaithful can and must help with this task if the marriage is to be saved.
In fact, many couples who successfully survive infidelity find that their relationships become stronger and more enduring when proper trust-building is done.
One of the first things that must be done to rebuild trust when dealing with infidelity is that both parties must examine the situation and identify areas of responsibility.
When both members of a relationship are able to accept responsibility for the condition of the relationship, it has greater chances of being able to recover from set-backs.
Work with a counselor to set guidelines for communication. It is important that you have regular times to talk about your situation; however, this should not be all the time.
Additionally, even though you have been in the wrong, this should not give your partner license to dredge up your infidelity and hold it over your head every time something goes wrong.
It is important that you set fair, transparent guidelines for communication at the outset of trust-building.
To avoid becoming stuck on communicating about your infidelity, be sure to create positive experiences with your husband.
Participate in activities together, see friends, create a happy life together to help you move forward and away from the negative events of the past.
Many times when dealing with infidelity both parties feel ashamed to return to their old friends and established support system.
But it is essential that you either maintain your former relationships with friends and family, or if you feel that these relationships would be detrimental, form new support networks that you can both participate in.
Be sure from the outset that you are really motivated to heal your marriage. If so, focus on making your actions support your words.
Be transparent in your communication and accountable for your whereabouts and activities. While you may feel that this is restrictive to you, understand that it is justifiable.
When you have broken the trust of another, you must present evidence that you can be trusted again. Dealing with infidelity will mean that your husband must be able to trust his perceptions once more.
This can only happen if he is able to see that what you do accurately reflects what you say.
Once you have made up your mind that rebuilding your husband's trust and saving your marriage is your goal and your priority, approach the project enthusiastically!
Make it clear to your husband that you are ready, willing and able to change. Understand that some changes may be very big, such as a job change on your part or a move for the entire family.
If rebuilding your marriage is your priority, these changes are not unreasonable under the circumstances.
Offer a sincere apology and show empathy for your husband. Understand that he is deeply hurt and try to put yourself in his shoes.
This will help you to accept the fact that rebuilding trust will not be a quick fix. It will take a long time - perhaps a year or more - to fully regain your husband's trust.
You must be openly consistent and supportive in every way to show that you can be trusted.
To rebuild your marriage and move forward together, it will be necessary for both of you to grow, learn and heal from the betrayal.
Dealing with infidelity is a very difficult task that is rife with ups and downs and dangers along the way. It takes time, and it is risky for both participant.
However, if you commit to rebuilding trust and overcoming infidelity, apply yourselves and proceed with the understanding that you can both learn, grow and improve, your relationship can emerge stronger in the end.
C Mellie Smith specializes in providing her readers with tools and resources to help them overcome the pain and uncertainty when one partner cheats, whether that is an emotional affair or a physical one. Get started on your healing journey by visiting her Infidelity Healing blog.