13 Questions to Know if They're the One for You

Few things are as exciting as the prospect of new love; you light up at the idea of having found a person who cares, who can give you the love you deserve, who’s just right for you. Yet at the same time, you hesitate: But is he the right person? You wonder one thing: Is he the one for me?

In order to answer that question, you must first understand why you met this person: some people come into your life for a season and others to teach you a lesson. But everyone comes for a reason. Through careful introspection and the honest answers to a few questions, you can recognize your partner's predestined role in your life. Reflect on these questions to determine the compatibility, quality, and durability of your love:

1. What does your future look like? Can you imagine building together? Can you envision yourself growing old with this person? If your partner possesses serious character flaws, such as addiction, abusive tendencies, or pathological lying, you may not realistically see a future by his side. Visualize your relationship in five, 10, even 20 years down the road. How do you expect it to change? Even more importantly, how do you expect it to evolve?

2. How does he regard family? Does he have close ties with his family members? Is family a priority? Even if your partner has experienced familial rifts, has he cared enough to try to work things out? The way in which a person tends to his family speaks volumes about the way he will treat you when you become a part of his household.

3. Can you both compromise? If ever there were a secret to a lasting relationship, it is compromise. Do you and your partner believe in compromise over separation? Is he willing to give and take with you on essential matters? A relationship without compromise is a road with a guaranteed dead end.

4. Do you speak the same language? By language, I don't mean having the same system of speech; I refer to mentality. Do you share the same views and aims? Similar morals and values? Partners who have parallel goals are more likely to remain together than those whose ambitions span in opposite directions.

5. What emotions does he trigger? A person who evokes mostly anxiety, worry, and pain is not the right person for you. But a person who steadies the emotions within you, bringing tranquility and harmony, is like water to a rose garden; this is a partner who can help you bloom into your highest, most incredible self. Remember that the greatest gift anyone can give you is peace of mind.

6. Do you need him? Partners who are meant to be don't just want each other, they need each other. Theirs is a union that swims a deep ocean. After a hard day, they yearn for each other’s embrace. They need the consoling words of their other half, their healing presence and unique touch. This kind of love transcends wanting—it’s a longing from the seat of the soul. So ask yourself: Do you need him?

7. How does he compare to other partners? Have you brought into your life a partner who’s a copy of a former love? Or does this person hold positive qualities that previous partners lacked? If you don't completely heal from and resolve the karma of past relationships, it's likely that you’ll attract a similar companion once more. Compare the patterns that existed in preceding relationships with your present love to ensure that you're making progress.

8. Can you tolerate his weaknesses? Relationships require a certain degree of tolerance that will undoubtedly test your patience. Can you "stand" all of your partner's faults? Every one of his bad habits and ill manners? Similarly, do you appreciate his way of being? Can you genuinely adapt to his taste? Unconditional love calls that we accept our partner’s weaknesses in the same way as his strengths.

9. Do you see potential for improvement? Human beings are highly prone to error. The fact is that you’ll never find a "perfect" partner; we all need a bit of work. Every person who walks through your life will leave flawed footprints. What does matter is a person's potential to improve in time, and what makes someone a good partner is his willingness to better himself each day.

10. Do you share a soulful bond? A soulmate is like the missing piece of our puzzle. Soulful bonds and far and few but when they do occur, they're obvious to both partners and pass the test of time. One of my previous entries, "The 10 Elements of a Soulmate," outlines telltale soulmate signs. Among them is a strong feeling of déjà vu, an us-against-the-world mentality, a curious intensity, and a comforting sense of security.

11. What has he taught you? The right partner will double as your teacher. Two souls in sync will have much to learn from one another. Whether they are lessons in love, work, finances, forgiveness, or any other element of life, the ideal partner will motivate your mind to expand and your spirit to evolve.

12. Is he generous? Not just to you, but to others. While you won’t be offered everything on a silver platter, you do deserve a partner who's fair and gives back as much as he takes. Does he gift you freely with his time, affection, and attention? Such rewards are invaluable.

13. Do you expect miracles? Often you can anticipate the course of your relationship before it unfolds. When I met my husband, I instantly saw the miracles that would manifest between us: taking our first steps into our new home and holding our newborn daughter for the first time. I just knew that with this person, such beautiful things were bound to happen. The right kind of love offers you hope and the right partner makes you believe in miracles. So what blessings do you feel will develop in your own relationship?

Sharing chemistry with someone is a rare treasure. But knowing early on whether a partner is right for you is equally necessary. Think about the answers to these 13 questions to discover your partner's true place in your life and reveal if he's really the one.

To finding the one,
Dr. Carmen Harra