My Husband Is Not Responsible: How To Make Husband Responsible

My Husband Is Not Responsible: How To Make Husband Responsible

For most married couples who are still in love but are experiencing issues, the biggest source of occasional arguments or fights is usually that of money. Any married person knows that issues related to money can be a huge source of aggravation and pain in their relationship. The mere mention of money can bring up a lot of emotional baggage for most of us - which is usually a residual from things we learned during childhood.

Here are 5 tips for how to get both husband and wife on the same page about money:

1. Set aside a time once per month to sit down and discuss your finances

When facing financial issues like debt, a lost job, or disagreements about spending, it is important to face them together - as a couple. This can be hard to do. After all, dealing with the issues oneself is difficult enough, so it can be even more so when trying to do so as a couple due to differences of opinions about money and how it should be handled. The first step, then, for how to get husband and wife on the same page about money is to make a "date" once per month whereby you sit down together to discuss your finances. By setting aside this special time, you are showing that you are willing to take your situation seriously and tackle any challenges you face together.

2. Share regular updates about the 3 basics: credit cards, spending, and savings

When you finally sit down together to discuss your finances, try breaking the issues into three "buckets" or categories: credit cards (or other debt), spending and savings. If you think about it, all of your financial issues can be put into one of these three buckets. Once you have broken things down this way, it should be simpler to tackle each topic by taking stock of where you are and where you want to be.

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3. Set one-year and five-year savings goals

Saving for retirement is an important financial goal for any pre-retirement couple. Set short-term and mid-term savings goals. (Usually, a one-year and five-year goal should be appropriate.) If you have trouble agreeing on your goals, take the time to hear out each other's opinions - and be careful not to say hurtful things if your opinions differ.

4. Agree to discuss any major purchases ahead of time

Almost all couples I know have slightly - or largely - differing views on how to spend their money. These differences usually can be traced back to each person's worldview: some people tend to believe (and act) like money is for the spending, since life is short. Others feel that saving for the long-term future is the only prudent path. Still, one simple thing you can do to is to agree that you will discuss any major purchase with each other ahead of time. Of course, just what constitutes a "major purchase" will vary from couple to couple - this is a figure for you to decide. But, bottom line is: stick to a figure ($10, $100, $500, etc.) and agree to discuss with each other any purchases in advance that exceeds this amount.

5. Use a "safe word" that signals to your spouse that you are feeling flustered about money

As mentioned above, just the mention of "money" brings up powerful emotions for most people. If there is a recurring money issue that seems to be causing you and your spouse ongoing conflict, consider coming up with a "safe word" that signals indirectly that one of you is going to that crazy place where you might get upset. The safe word can be any word or phrase you choose - as long as you both agree to it and can remember it. Then, if and when the financial issue-du-jour seems like it is causing more trouble than it is worth, one of you can say the safe word in order to diffuse the situation. Once this happens, take a deep breath and agree to talk about it later, once you have both calmed down enough to discuss it rationally.

Being on the same page about money is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. I know, because I have seen money be the cause of much frustration in both my own relationships, and of those of couples whom I know personally. Try these 5 tips to ensure that you stay on the same page about money.

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Communication in marriage is a key to a successful marriage. Without clear and precise communication, you will have trouble understanding what one another wants. He will not be able to compromise because you will spend most of your time trying to communicate to the other person what it is you want. In turn, they want not understand what it is you want and we'll try to tell you what they want. It is a vicious circle and you must stop it.

One form of communication you need to respect and admire is body language and silence. It is estimated that only up to 20% of our communication is understood via words. This means that when you are interacting and talking with another person, your unconscious mind is paying attention to their voice tone and body language 80% of the time, while paying attention to their words 20% of the time. Nonverbal communication with body language is something you must grow social intelligence for.

Happily married couples can look at one another and understand what each other means without saying a word. Words are not a necessary form of communication. Words are usually symbols to describe something will that we have conceived in our mind. Will pay a lot of attention to nonverbal communication, it is worth much more than verbal communication is. It is actually worth 80% more to be exact.

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Allowing for the proper amount of time will for silence in your marriage is very healthy. The longer you are together, usually the less you have to say to each other. If you have spent 10 or 20 years of your life with someone, chances are you don't have something to say each and every day. Respecting silence with your partner is the key to a successful marriage. I'm not talking about the kind of silence to where you are ignoring each other. I'm talking about the kind of silence where you can sit quietly and comfortably near your significant other and just enjoy peace.

If you cannot sit quietly and comfortably with your spouse or significant other, you have much more work to do in your marriage. You haven't learned to truly communicate with one another, especially nonverbally. Learn to appreciate silence with your significant other. Practice this from time to time and just learned to stare at each other. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but after time goes by, you will truly know what rewards come from practicing.

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According to research on what causes problems in marriages, if you begin an argument or fight on a bad note it will end on a bad note. If you or your spouse is in an argument with each other that starts off with verbal attacks or other forms of abuse, the likelihood of it not ending badly is minimal.

For those familiar with Gottman's relationship-building skills, this is known as softened startup. This skill not only allows for effective conversation, but it also helps resolve relationship conflicts. In order to keep your relationship stable and resolve fights, start with these suggested guidelines:

* You can air your complaints, but don't be critical. Your agenda is important and your feelings are as well, but your feelings should not lead the conversation. Tossing accusations at your partner, as well as other criticisms, will cause them to shut down and avoid having a productive conversation with you. This will not help resolve the fight, but rather spur on another one. Approaching your spouse in a way that doesn't make them feel they are the one to blame helps open up the conversation better, and allow you to face them with your complaints in an objective manner. Some couples don't realize they're blaming each other, rather than complaining about agreements made with justified reasoning. If you are unsure how to do this effectively, find an expert in your area to help you.

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* Place focus on yourself rather than your partner by saying, "I" rather than, "you." Placing focus on yourself takes you out of the critical role allowing the other person to feel less defensive. Think about what you want to say, and construct your thoughts to focus on how you're feeling about what you're complaint is. For example, don't say, "You're never home," but say instead, "I feel like we could spend some more time together." Something as simple as rewording your frustrations avoids an escalating fight and helps provide a better resolution to your argument. If you have a productive conversation focused on feelings, rather than accusations, then your partner will have a firmer understanding of what you are going through and how you are feeling. They'll also hear what you have to say, rather than tuning out because they feel they're being unfairly criticized.

* Don't judge your spouse or partner when you're explaining your feelings or what's happening in the relationship. If you're able to describe the situation in a constructive manner, your spouse won't feel they're being judged or blamed. Those two things are negative thoughts that will cloud the situation and force it into an unproductive fight. Focus on phrases that will prevent any lashing out from either of you no matter how emotional you feel about the situation. Word it as though you're making an observation, and leave it up to them to decide they should make a change. For example, don't say, "you never do groceries," but say instead, "I feel like I'm the only one running errands lately." This will help your partner think independently about the situation, and offer suggestions for how to make changes that are fair and productive. If your spouse doesn't know something is bothering you, they can't offer changes. Expecting them to know automatically that something is bothering you is unfair.

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* Respect and appreciate your spouse in the same way you expect them to do with you. Any loving relationship includes during times of conflict. Just because the two of you are having a fight or disagreement, that doesn't mean they don't deserve respect and likewise goes for you. Show your spouse or partner respect and appreciate during good times and bad, and you'll notice fights resolving much quicker. It's helpful to point out what you respect and appreciate about each other when discussing your complaints during the fight. For example, if you are complaining about your spouse not being home often, you could say, "I appreciate how many hours you're putting in and respect how hard you're working, but I would love to spend some time with you." This is better than, "You're never home and I feel like you don't want to spend any time with me." The second phrase will put your spouse or partner on the defensive and you won't make the desired connection during this argument. Again, be aware of how you contribute to the argument simply by the way you phrase your words.

* Avoid pent up frustrations and anger in order to avoid fights where lashing out and accusations are driven by explosive emotions. Even though there are times when we all feel like it's not the right moment to hold a discussion, find that right moment anyway. That way, you aren't wasting time throwing accusations at each other or long lists of complaints you've both been storing up for a rainy day. This isn't productive, and the fight won't be resolved. Have frequent conversations in order to prevent this from happening. If the time doesn't present itself regularly enough, it's up to you to make sure it does. That way, you can meet each other on stable ground and find resolutions to problems more effectively.

The longer these things stay inside you, the worse it will be when it all comes to the surface. You're doing yourself, as well as your relationship a favor by keeping the conversations consistent.

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