In her popular Netflix series, Tidying up with Marie Kondo, Ms. Kondo visits disheveled, cluttered homes to teach the homeowners how to extricate themselves from the disorderly lifestyles they’ve created. One of the things she recommends is to ask, “Does this spark joy?” If it doesn’t, get rid of it. For most people, this is a difficult task. They are so attached to the all too familiar mess, that divesting themselves is akin to cutting off a limb.
But I’m not here to talk about housekeeping. I’m here to talk about Mindkeeping—the decluttering of the toxic habits that prevent you from living a happy and joyful life. I ask you to become the Marie Kondo of your own mind. Because the mind, after all, is the heartbeat of your life. A cluttered mind will result in a cluttered life.
Here are three of the things that may be overcrowding your psyche and causing you needless suffering:
1) Dwelling in the past.
2) Staying in toxic relationships.
3) Using the word, “Too!”
Let’s explore each one…
1) DWELLING IN THE PAST
By now you’ve probably figured out that no matter how much time you spend thinking about what happened one year ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, there’s nothing you can do to change it. It is OVER! Yet a lot of you continue to define yourselves by past events, or to hold a grudge based on a long-ago slight. The misery is not from what’s happening right now, it’s from that party 7 years ago when your boyfriend told you he was leaving you for your best friend. Yeah, you’re still upset about that. That day, your self-confidence and self-esteem took a beating, rendering you emotionally bruised and empty. The past is nothing but a concept. You can’t fix anything that happened there. But you can do something about where you are right NOW. You can release the thoughts that are holding you captive, much like releasing a helium balloon into the blue skies above. Let it go. Stop looking back. There’s nothing there for you. Use the Now as a springboard for a new life. It is up to you.
2) STAYING IN TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
Many people stay in toxic relationships because they believe the inaccurate messages their minds are telling them. Here are some examples: A) I’ll never find someone as good as him. B) I’ll probably end up alone. C) She’s not so bad; so what if she spends all her paychecks on shoes? D) I don’t deserve anyone better! E) What’s the big deal if he’s always out with his buddies?
Those messages are what’s keeping you trapped. The good news is, you don’t have to stay that way. All you have to do is change your message/s. It’s like changing the recorded greeting on your phone. Instead of, “Hi, this is Maggie. I deserve only the worst. I’m a nobody, unworthy of love. Please leave your message at the beep if you want to hang out.” How about, “Hey, this is Maggie! I’m amazing, lovable and worthy! You’re going to want to leave a message. Who would you rather call back?
Staying in a toxic relationship is like drinking a little bit of poison every day. It will eventually destroy you. You can turn things around, however. If you want to stop eating junk food, you stock your fridge with fruits and veggies. If you want to stop drinking the poison, set the glass down. Replace it with something good for you. You, too, deserve greatness!
3) USING THE WORD, “TOO”!
Do you ever listen to your mind? Take a minute to do so. Pick any moment of the day. You’re going to hear a lot of resistance. That resistance is what’s keeping you from living; from being free; from enjoying your life to its fullest. Here are some thoughts you might hear: I’m too tired, I’m too busy, I’m too broke, I’m too ugly, I’m too fat, I’m too old, I’m too late, etc. You get the idea. “Too” can be a very limiting word; as limiting as a brick wall standing before you. Nothing is TOO anything unless you make it so. You can dial anything up or down. “Too” tired? Get more sleep. “Too” busy? Simplify your life. “Too” late? Maybe if you miss the movie. If that’s the case, see another movie. Apply this in your life as well. There’s always something else for you to explore.
Mindkeeping is necessary if you want to experience freedom. The clutter in your mind keeps you psychologically imprisoned. You may be so used to it, that you don’t realize you’ve been taken hostage.
Take inventory of your thoughts, your relationships, the words you use. What steps can you take to start tidying up your mental mess?
Life is messy. That is a fact. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Start by taking little steps in each of the areas that need attention. Keep the things that spark joy. Fill the available space in your mind with refined, positive affirmations. Become responsible for your own mental health. In doing so, you will free yourself and really start living life!
Rossana Snee is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She is the author of The Healing Alphabet, 26 Empowering Ways to Enrich Your Life; a contributor to, You Are More Than Enough: Discover the Light Within You, compiled by Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw, and a monthly contributor to the Lakewood Community News.
She’s a Super Broadcaster on [Periscope @askjoshsmom] where she provides insight and therapeutic advice to her followers and new visitors.
She endeavors to inspire and motivate, and to be a springboard for her reader's self-growth.
She is currently working on her soon-to-launch weekly YouTube channel, Therapy Express with Rossana, where she will cover anything and everything certain to help her subscribers.