Dear Dr. Romance:
i need some relationship advise really bad bad. Can you help?? I really need help, See, I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years And he found out and forgave me! And he went out And slept with 3 girls that night is it possible for us to still work? We love each other but I don't know.
Dear Reader
Yes, you can, but you both have to do a lot of growing up. You can do that if you both follow these steps:
Dr. Romance's 3 tips for getting over affairs:
If you or your partner have had an affair, it doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the process.
1. Fess up – learn to listen and talk with each other: If you're serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it's crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken down. It's time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication, but it's the only way to repair the damage done.
2. Fix Problems: Once the problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results. Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what changes are needed.
3. Forgive: As long as you're stuck in blaming each other and defending yourself, or repeating the same old behavior, you won't be able to move forward. Forgiving each other doesn't mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you're willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness.
"Apology and Forgiveness" will give you more information to help you heal the relationship. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.