Divorce may never be really easy, but it can be a whole lot easier if it happens before children come along and somewhat less bad, if it happens after they have grown up.
Notwithstanding this, however, a lot of divorces do happen when the separating couple share young children and in this situation their welfare has to be the absolute top priority.
The professionals involved in divorce (e.g. mediators and lawyers) can offer guidance on the legal situation and may be able to assist in discussions about everyday practicalities, but it’s largely down to the parents themselves to manage the emotional impact on their children.
With that in mind, here are some tips on how to help your kids cope with divorce.
Even if your children do or do not use social media or only use it under your direct supervision, they are going to come into contact with other people and that means there is always a possibility that they are either going to be told things they shouldn’t or that they are going to overhear (and potentially mishear) things that weren’t meant for their ears.
These things may or may not be true, but even if they are true, that’s not the way you want your children to find out what is going on.
Make sure you keep them as fully up-to-date as is appropriate for their age and if they have questions you can’t yet answer then make a commitment to finding out and informing them within a reasonable timescale.
Even though your former spouse has ceased to be your life partner, they are still your parenting partner and it may help you and your children if you try to think of them in those terms.
People often talk about parenting being “hard work”, so think of it as a job and think about what it takes to get that job done effectively, which is to say with the least hassle for everyone and the best possible result given your resources.
You may have professional experience of how conflict between different managers can have a negative effect on the workforce.
Depending on the situation and the distinct personalities of the various employees, the result may be anything from insecurity and stress (possibly leading to aggression) to strategic manipulation or, quite bluntly, playing one parent off against the other.
Children can be incredibly observant and you can take it as read that they will spot any signs that you are not taking care of yourself the way you should, even if you think you’re either doing alright or, at the very least, doing a good job of hiding the signs that you’re not.
You’re also going to find it a whole lot easier to manage them (and your ex partner) if you’re taking care of yourself both physically and mentally. If you’re struggling to do either then make a point of seeking help, whether that’s support from family and friends or professional assistance.
Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes. Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.