Dating your ex-husband after a divorce is more common than you think. There are many stories of couples who have dated within 5 years of their divorce only to get remarried, and are happier than ever. Dr. Nancy Kalish studied couples who reunited after divorce during the ’90s. Her studies focused on couples who got back together after being apart for 5 years. Her studies showed that 6% of couples who got divorced, ended up remarrying each other, and 72% of reunited couples stayed together. Her study was conducted on a survey of 1000 people.
Sometimes life gets in the way of happiness. Kids, stress, bills, being overworked; all of these things can lead to issues in a marriage. Sometimes it was never really the couple who had issues, but it was just the stresses of life that got in the way, causing the issues. If you are thinking about dating your ex-husband after a divorce, here are a few things to consider. For some couples dating after their divorce works, for others, it might begin a bad emotional spiral once again.
What should you consider before you date your ex-husband?
- This might seem negative but think about the reasons why you got divorced initially. If your husband was a serial cheat, has he really changed now? Or did work take over his time? Were you always fighting about how to raise the kids? Or was money an issue? By thinking about why you got divorced in the first place, you will be able to plan and think about what you would like out of your “new” relationship with your ex-husband.
- Don’t go back to your ex-husband if he was abusive. If your ex never received help for his issues, then the chances are he will still be abusive. If there was domestic violence, drug abuse or sexual abuse, the chances are that that pattern will continue if they have not sought professional help.
- Have a look at yourself and think about yourself honestly. Did you play any part in your divorce? Is there anything that you can do differently to make your “new” relationship work? Sit down with your ex and have an open conversation about your previous relationship. What could both of you do differently? What caused the problems in the first place? By having a heart to heart, you will be able to see what needs to change.
- Another thing to consider is that you might get opposition from friends or family. They might feel that you and your ex should stay divorced. Find support from people who are neutral. This group of people should be honest with you. Sometimes emotions of the “good” memories can cloud out reality.
- If you do decide to date your ex again, it would be a wise idea to tell your kids. Make sure though that you are happy and sure. Your children also went through a lot emotionally during your divorce. Seeing mom and dad back together again could make them really happy, and another break-up could hurt them even more. Be 100% sure that this is what you and your ex want before telling your children.
- You also need to remember that some things might change for the good, but other things will stay the same. If your husband is an untidy person, the chances of him changing could be slim. Look at what you really want out of your new relationship. Look at your ex as a person, and accept them for who they are. If you don’t like who they are, then don’t get back together. People can work on their faults, but you can't change a person. No relationship is perfect. You need to see what you can and can’t live with and then make a decision.
- Think about your new relationship and see what has changed. Are you communicating better? Is there less stress because the kids have grown up or because your finances are better? How have you changed? How has your ex-husband changed? If you can really look deeply into your new relationship and see what has changed, then you could have a good shot at a new relationship.
- You could also consider if you and your ex were too young when you just got married. Sometimes if you get married young, you might not have been able to experience life on your own. Sometimes after “finding” yourself, you might have fundamentally matured. If this is the case, then giving your relationship a second try could work.
Why do divorced couples get back together?
There are a number of reasons why divorced couples get back together. Perhaps after dating a few other men, you might realize that your ex-husband wasn’t so bad after all. You might miss your husband, or see that he was actually trying. Sometimes taking a step back can help you see your ex in a new light.
You might also miss the familiarity and comfort of being with your ex. Therefore you would rather be with what you know than start something completely new with someone else.
Another reason why couples get back together is for their children. They might realize that their children need both of them, therefore they get remarried to co-parent their kids.
There might also be a rekindled spark in your relationship. Sometimes when life gets in the way, you might lose the spark that you had for one another. After a few years apart, that spark might reignite with such force that it can be overwhelming. This is a good thing! It might be exciting to sleep with your ex, and the predictability can be comforting.
In conclusion
If you would like to date your ex-husband after a divorce, think carefully about why you want to. There are many reasons why couples might want to get back together. If you have both changed in some ways and have had an open and deep heart to heart, then dating again could be a great idea and a new lease on life.
