Focus On What You Want, Not On What You Don’t Want

A number of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine called Wain Gordon. This was a time when he spoke about how important it was for us to put our energy into what we want to experience.

He said that it is easy to focus on what we don’t want and to completely disregard what we actually want. This was something that he had noticed in himself, as well as others.

A Closer Look

On one level, it could be said that it is a good idea for someone to be clear about what they don’t want. Surely, if they are clear about what they don’t want, they won’t allow themselves to experience it again.

The trouble with this approach, however, is that they have an unconscious mind that doesn’t understand negation. Therefore, while part of them is making it clear that they don’t want something, another part of them doesn’t understand this.

A Different Way of Operating

If this wasn’t the case, then, and their unconscious mind worked in the same way as their conscious mind, it would be very different. One could focus on what they don’t want and their conscious mind would realise this, thereby giving them more of what they do want.

When this is understood, one will be able to understand why they have continued to experience more of what they don’t want, even though they have been perfectly clear about not wanting it. Yet, when this isn’t understood, it can be normal for someone to see themselves as a powerless victim.

Back To the Conversation

Once this point was made, Wain touched upon how important it was not to come from a place of resistance. So, what this means is that someone can acknowledge what they don’t want, without feeding into it.

Through doing this, they won’t be focusing on what they don’t wont and neither will they be fuelling what they don’t want by resisting it. I think this is a key point as it can be easy to focus on what we want and at the same time, experiencing a strong charge when it comes to what we don’t want.

It’s Still There

As a result of this, someone can focus on what they want while also feeding energy into what they don’t want. The saying that comes to mind here is ‘what we resist is what will persist’.

Taking this into account, it will be essential for someone to let go of their resistance and to simply notice whenever something appears internally or externally that is not wanted. This will take away the energy that will keep it alive and allow this energy to go into what is wanted.

Final Thoughts

Like most things, this a process and not something that is going to take place overnight. What matters is that someone takes the first step and self-compassion is exercised when they momentarily go off-track.
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If one finds that they struggle to no longer focus on something that they don’t want, it may illustrate that there is something within them that they need to acknowledge. Through giving whatever it is the space to be seen and heard, they may find that the resistance starts to disappear.