Divorce is hard on everyone, but it's especially difficult on the children. The children had a home, and now that home has changed drastically. It can make them feel precarious and confused. They may also feel anger or sadness and may show these with loud or even violent outbursts. It is difficult to watch your child feel those emotions, so here are four tips to make divorce as easy as possible on your kids.
Divorce is typically full of tension-fueled conversations. However, you don't want to let your children see or be a part of these exchanges. When talking to your ex, you should be as cordial as possible, especially when in front of your children. When it comes to your kids, it doesn't matter what has occurred between you two. You should be able to be around your ex civilly during special occasions.
Instead, hash out disagreements and compromises with a mediator or lawyers. Family law can be complicated, especially when emotions are running high. Lawyers and mediators can help you come to agreements with your ex. Keep these conversations in a family law office and away from your children’s home.
Normalcy is key in a child's development. It's best to keep things on their regular routine. It's inevitable that some things may change a bit. However, you need to do your best to try to keep things running as usual.
Put your child's routine over your own pride. Attempt to work with your ex on fitting yourself into that routine in whatever way possible. It's also okay if you need to establish a new routine to ensure you both get time with them. However, you should do your best to coordinate on rules. You won't always agree, so be ready to pick your battles and compromise.
Divorce is full of negative emotions, and kids tend to focus those emotions on themselves. Whether or not they believe they are the reason for the split, your children may feel unwanted or or even hated for how things turned out. You need to make a point to remind them how loved they are by both their parents. You can do this by spending time with them, maintaining a positive attitude around them, and simply saying it.
Your child may benefit from talking to someone about how they feel during the divorce proceedings. Schedule an appointment with a child or teen therapist, especially if the child seems to be acting out. The therapist can help the child express themselves in a positive way. You may even want to talk to your ex about going to therapy together. However, if the child seems to be adjusting well, this may not be necessary.
How you handle your divorce is ultimately your choice. However, it is your responsibility to handle it in a way that puts the child's emotions and way-of-life first. It doesn't matter how your ex acts. You must be the better person.
Anita is a freelance writer from Denver, CO. She studied at Colorado State University and now enjoys writing about health, business, and family. A mother of two wonderful children, she loves traveling with her family whenever she isn’t writing. You can find her on Twitter @anitaginsburg.