Almost all of us have experienced the pain of failed relationships in the past. Very few among us have the luck of finding a life-long partner the first time around and make no mistake, those that do are the few and far between. For the rest of us, we will likely have to go through at least one or two serious relationships before we find our true love and partner.
Entering a serious relationship for the second time around can seem scary. After one major relationship has failed, even if it was neither person's fault, it can be a blow to your confidence and self-esteem. Finding your footing again and knowing how to navigate the hurdles necessary to foster and grow in a new relationship requires work and care. In this guide, you find some of the crucial things that you should remember when entering a relationship for the second time.
Forget Social Scripts
Whether we like to admit it or not, we all have social scripts that we follow when we are dealing with other people. These scripts don't just apply to relationships, but to all elements of our lives from friends and family to work colleagues. Social scripts can be a powerful and useful tool to help people communicate and prevent misunderstandings, but they can also be a hindrance when trying to develop and foster something new and intimate. By forgetting any social scripts or structures you may think you need to follow and just letting things happen naturally, the resulting relationship will be stronger.
Accept Your Baggage
Everybody has some kind of baggage, and those of us that have been through previous serious relationships are sure to have more than most, especially when it comes to forming new connections with people. Trying to ignore your baggage will only result in burying it under the surface, where it's sure to appear and cause issues later down the line. The same sentiment is also true of the baggage of others. If you want your baggage to be accepted, you must be understanding and accepting of the baggage of your potential partner as well.
Align Your Goals Early On
For a relationship to be a success, the goals of you and your partner must be at the very least similar. Without similar goals in life, the relationship will always be finding itself pulled in different directions. Aligning your goals early on will ensure that you are both on the same page about where the relationship is going and what you are both seeking to get from it.
Remember It's Ok To Protect Your Assets
By the time most people are entering a second relationship, they probably have some substantial assets. Assets can be anything from the money in your bank account, to savings and investments, or even your car. No relationship is guaranteed to succeed either—relationships fail for a variety of reasons—so while you may not want the worst to happen it's good to be prepared. Protecting your assets is a good way to ensure that even if the relationship turns sour, you won't be left with nothing.
Don't Commit Too Early
A big mistake that people often make when entering into a second long-term relationship is trying to commit too early. It can be tempting to want to rush things as quickly as possible, to get the early dating stages over with to save time and recover the feeling of comfort and stability offered by a long-term partner. Committing to somebody new too early purely in search of a feeling once lost, even if the relationship seems to be heading in the right direction, is a recipe for disaster. It takes time to truly know another person and discover if you are compatible as long-term, serious partners. Rushing into things and committing early will most likely just result in another failed relationship when you discover any incompatibilities.
Learn From Your Mistakes
We all make mistakes in life and relationships are no exception. Almost no relationship is without its problems and disagreements. Nobody can promise to not make any mistakes, and those that do are likely just setting themselves up for defeat. The important thing is to learn from the mistakes you have made both in the past and present, and use them to help you develop and form a better relationship with your second partner.
Avoid Toxic Relationships
This one may seem obvious, but it is usually worth noting all the same. In any relationship, but especially ones the second time around, be mindful and aware of toxicity and avoid it. Too often people find themselves committed to a toxic relationship for fear of starting from scratch and losing what they have spent time building. Try to avoid toxic relationships by moving away from them early, but even when a relationship turns toxic later, don't be afraid to leave.
All relationships are a challenge at first. Whether this is your first relationship or you have years of experience, there are always difficulties to navigate and challenges to face. Remember to learn from your mistakes and learning what mistakes from others to watch out for, as well as remember that it is ok to protect yourself and accept that every person entering relationships after their first will have some baggage they carry with them, but that baggage is ok so long as you don't try to bury and ignore it. Keeping all these things in mind when entering a relationship for the second time will help to guide your path and navigate you through the challenges you will face, setting you on a course for a healthy and happy second long-term relationship.
Christina is a proud wife, mother, entrepreneur, author and world traveller. Previously a successful businesswoman who gave it all up to raise children, Christina spent a lot of her free time during those years flipping through books and learning about a plethora of topics. She hopes her books will inspire and motivate others to do what makes them happy and to achieve their goals.