As a single parent, you probably have so little free time that dating seems an impossible task. Yet, single parents are dating in unprecedented numbers, so if you’re looking for another “head of household” to date, you can find one.
As a responsible parent, you’ll want to be very cautious about whom you date and eventually bring home — for the safety and well-being of your child(ren). You may feel guilty or unsure about whether dating is OK. Of course it is, as long as you do it responsibly, and your children are not disrupted by your dating.
Single parent dating involves finding a quality person you like, who likes you, and who is comfortable with your children. These extra dynamics can be frustrating, but should not be ignored or overlooked.
Pressuring your children to like your date and going too fast for them to get comfortable with the situation will create unnecessary trouble. These guidelines present some guidelines to help you, your children and your new date be more comfortable, and assure that things go smoothly.
If your children are small, they have a right to be primary in your life. They should not have to compete with your new relationship for your time, attention and affection. This takes planning, because your schedule is already full.
Parental Dating Guidelines
* Make sure you know a lot about any new person before inviting him/her into your home
* Make friends before considering a romantic relationship
* Always introduce new adults to your children as friends, nothing more.
* If your children are old enough to have opinions of your new friends, listen to what they have to say.
* Do not pressure your children to like your new friend, or to spend time with him or her.
* Insist that your children behave appropriately and politely to your adult friends.
* Have regular family discussions with your children.
* If you want to get serious with a date, find out his or her feelings about children, especially your children, first.
* Gradually introduce a new date to your children by doing family oriented activities together. Give your children and your date a chance to develop their own relationships.
* Don’t sacrifice your children’s alone time with you to your dating. Don’t miss sport or school events in order to date.
* Don’t share inappropriately with your children. Do not use them as “confidantes” for your relationship confusion or problems. Don’t allow them to find out about your sexual relationship.
From Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.