Saint Kabir defines love as: ‘That which increases one moment and decreases the next is not love. That which resides in the heart and remains the same is real love.’
Real love never increases or decreases
Love between two people will decrease if one becomes angry with the other and they both start to quarrel. Their love will increase once again, when one gives flowers to the other. Real love does not increase or decrease. The love that increases and decreases is nothing but illusory love. Illusory love is always reactionary. If your spouse is upset with you, your love for him should not change.
Real worldly love is when one completely sacrifices and surrenders, without regards to his or her safe-side – selfish interest. This is called love in the worldly sense. It is not mere attraction then and its rewards are great. But people do not sacrifice themselves, this does not happen! People put themselves first and then proceed. How many men or women are there who do not put themselves first? On the way to the movies they are caught up in the frenzy of attraction and on their way home they fight. He would say, ‘you have no sense.’ And she would respond by saying, ‘you are not wise yourself.’
In love, one never sees any faults at all
But just look at how people find faults with each other, ‘You are like that.’ ‘No, you are like that.’ The world has not seen even an iota of love. All this is love of illusion. Wherever there is illusory love, accusations will occur for sure. That is the nature of it - accusations like, ‘you are like this and you are like that.’ And spouse will in turn retort, ‘you are like that, not me’
Real love is that which does not have any abhorrence behind it. How can it be called love when there is abhorrence associated with it? Love should be unwavering, unchanging. What people call love in this world, is the language of illusion and deception. The warmth of real love is very different. Love is something very divine. People would never separate from one another if they had real love.
When one finds a partner that one harmonizes with in this world, there is a reason behind it
It is because of the properties of the atoms of attraction, but one can never tell what will happen at any given moment. As long as there are matching atoms, the attraction will be there and harmony will prevail. But when the atoms do not match, there will be repulsion, which gives rise to hatred. Therefore wherever there is infatuation, there is also hatred. This is the science of atoms. The Self has nothing to do with it. But people are under an illusion about the attraction of the atoms. They believe that they have been attracted. The Self never gets attracted.
The world is perplexed because it believes that attraction is love. All this is because of a man’s need for a woman and a woman’s need for a man. When these needs are not met, there are profuse complaints from the inner working components - the mind, consciousness, intellect and ego.
The love they have is with expectations and motive. How can one call that love?
Such love is all selfish love. One realizes this when that love fractures, breaks and ends. As long as there is sweetness in it, everything is fine, but one will realize what kind of love it is when it becomes bitter. If it were real love, the relationship would remain unaffected whether someone insults or gives a lot of attention and respect. Real love is that which remains the same whether one receives flowers or thorns of insults. This is the definition of real love. Everything else is false attachment and attraction.
Our love should be such that it never goes away, no matter what happens
No matter how many terms or conditions of an agreement or promises are broken by the other, the one with real love continues to remain sincere. Such sincerity remains in actions and also in the eyes of the one with real love. That is when you will know that that is where the real love is. So look for this kind of love. Such love is constant and it gives lifelong happiness. It does not seek instant gratification.
One can live with such real love. Real love is the love of the Lord. When that kind of love arises, there is no need for anything else. Only this love is a love that is of any value. Real love is unadulterated and pure. Real love does not have motives of sex, greed or pride. Such unadulterated love turns man into God.
As long as the ego is present, there can never be pure love
Even an attractive person appears ugly because of his ego. When he becomes the pure Self (Soul), he will be beautiful. Then even the ugly will look beautiful, but it is only when pure love arises within. People want unconditional love, love devoid of selfishness.
Pure love, real love exists where there are no feelings of ‘yours-mine’. Wherever there is a feeling of ‘yours-mine’, there is definitely selfishness as well as ignorance of the Self (ego). It is because of this ignorance that people have feelings of ‘this is mine and this is yours’. Ego and pure love cannot co-exist. When does pure love occur? It is when the ego starts to dissolve and only when the ego completely disappears, one becomes an embodiment of pure love. When one acquires Gnan (Self-Realization), one ceases to have feelings of ‘mine and yours’. However, until then, this is difficult for one to understand.
Where can one find Gnan (Self-Realization)? It is where work is achieved through love
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan, the Enlightened One, says, “People become wise with the weapon of love (the real love). I do not have to scold them. The only weapon I have is this love. ‘I mean to conquer this world with love’. I have laid down my arms. I have laid down my weapons of anger, pride, attachment and greed. The world wields these weapons of anger, pride, attachment and greed. I aim to conquer the world through love. The love that people know and understand is the mundane worldly love. Real love is that which will not depress me if you insult me, or elevate me if you praise me. In real love, no changes occur. If any changes do occur, they will be of this body and not of the pure love.”
The Enlightened One is an embodiment of love. When he graces us with Self-Realization, our ego disappears. The Enlightened One is a love incarnate, in whose presence, our ego dissolves!!! To meet the Enlightened One, please click https://www.dadabhagwan.org/contact-us/meet-pujya-deepakbhai/ So many couples who have come to him with their problems, their life has got in order.
Ambalal M. Patel was a civil contractor by profession. In June 1958, spontaneous Self-Realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. From this point on, Ambalal became a Gnani Purush, and the Lord that manifest within him became known as Dada Bhagwan. A Gnani Purush is One who has realized the Self and is able help others do the same. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan used to go from town to town and country-to-country to give satsang (spiritual discourse) and impart the knowledge of the Self, as well as knowledge of harmonious worldly interactions to everyone who came to meet him. This spiritual science, known as Akram Vignan, is the step-less path to Self-realization.