There are two aspects to this:
One is the physical separation that happens between people, owing to compelling circumstances, although the love for each other has not reduced; and
The other, when people separate due to difference of opinions or selfishness.
In the first case, Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan, the Enlightened being, suggests:
“Make the best possible effort. Then, whatever happens, whatever result materializes, that is vyavasthit (in order).”
So, when people are forced to separate despite the immense love between them, one must try their best to avoid separation. But thereafter, we have actually no choice but to accept whatever has happened as correct. Nevertheless, until one is together, we can and must always maintain the relationship in a manner that after separation, if ever we happen to cross paths in future, there should be no sourness or unhappiness in the hearts of either.
Now, in the second case...
Although there’s so much love between them, people separate because of the difference in their opinions.
Param Pujya Dadashri says, “When there are differences in opinions, it will create discord. Excess discord results in a divorce.” And therefore he advises, “People who aim to get along with each other should not have any differences of opinion whatsoever.”
Difference in thinking does not cause hurt. However, a difference in opinion causes major conflicts. It results in discord and quarrels, leading to one losing their humility. Their oneness of mind breaks and when the minds separate, the relationship becomes miserable, eventually culminating into separation.
Param Pujya Dadashri shares with us one more reason behind separation, and that is selfishness.
“Nowadays, couples separate themselves by saying, ‘me and you, me and you, me and you!’, whereas in the past, they used to refer to themselves as ‘us’ - We two are one, we are like this and we are like that. It is ‘ours’! When the words ‘we’ and ‘ours’ turn into ‘mine’ and ‘yours’, it initiates quarrels and rivalry. Where do these quarrels take one to? Divorce and devastation! These quarrels destroy everything.”
Such love is selfish love. “One realizes this when that love fractures, breaks and ends. As long as there is sweetness in it, everything is fine, but one will realize what kind of love it is when it becomes bitter”, says Param Pujya Dadashri. If it were real love, the relationship would remain unaffected.
People would never separate from one another if they had real love
Saint Kabir has said that it is enough for one to just understand the word ‘love’; one is considered a learned man if he understands this word. People have studied volumes and volumes of books in an attempt to understand this one word, and yet no one has understood it as yet.
Saint Kabir, while defining love, says: ‘That which increases one moment and decreases the next, is not love: That which resides in the heart and remains the same, is real love.’
The love that we generally get to see in this world is illusory love and attraction, and not real love
“You will realize this right away when someone you love says something negative about you. If your brother returns home after being away for a long time, you love to be around him all the time. You will eat together and go out with him. But if the next day, he tells you that you are behaving like a person with no sense, this would be the end of your love.
And if you were to say the same thing to a Gnani Purush (the Enlightened One) several times over, he would not be affected. His love for you would remain the same. Real love is that which does not have any abhorrence behind it. How can it be called love when there is abhorrence associated with it? Love should be unwavering, unchanging.
Real love does not increase or decrease. Love between two people will decrease if one becomes angry with the other and they both start to quarrel. Their love will increase once again, when one gives flowers to the other”, Param Pujya Dadashri reveals.
When it is real love, it affects people
People benefit from real love; otherwise it would be of no use to anyone! Whenever there is a presence of Lord or a Gnani Purush in this world, people witness real love. That love will not increase or decrease. People are drawn to real love. They are attracted to all the words that flow from real love. There is no action and reaction in real love. The flow of love is constant. His or her love remains constant; there is no increase or decrease, no give or take.
On the other hand, the worldly love, by nature, is conditional; it involves give and take; whereas Gnani’s love is pure love, you will not see that kind of love anywhere in this world.
How do we develop real love?
Real love is the union with the Self (the pure Soul within), which is free of any attachments.
The Self (the pure Soul) is love. The knowledge of the Self (Self-Realization) gives rise to real love. On Self-Realization, the ego ends and one comes in the awareness of the real Self.
What is the root cause of separation? One’s belief is that, ‘I am John.’ (believing one’s worldly self to be his real Self). Hence, when someone insults or accuses John, he becomes very angry. This depicts one’s illusory love, his weakness, and his illusion of attachment.
For all those who have not attained Self-Realization, all differences become differences of opinions. For those who have Self-realization, theirs is just a difference in thinking. They don’t separate, their real love manifests.
So come, let us go to Akram Gnani and from Him, attain the real knowledge of Self-Realization, so that we remain united and one, always!!
To know more: https://www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/relationship/true-love-in-...
Ambalal M. Patel was a civil contractor by profession. In June 1958, spontaneous Self-Realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. From this point on, Ambalal became a Gnani Purush, and the Lord that manifest within him became known as Dada Bhagwan. A Gnani Purush is One who has realized the Self and is able help others do the same. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan used to go from town to town and country-to-country to give satsang (spiritual discourse) and impart the knowledge of the Self, as well as knowledge of harmonious worldly interactions to everyone who came to meet him. This spiritual science, known as Akram Vignan, is the step-less path to Self-realization.