***Jolt Your Relationship from Negative to Positive

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

With our fast paced society and the ever increasing demands of everyday life, more and more couples are finding that negativity is taking over their relationship. An abrupt interject of positivity into a relationship is the only way to change the environment before it is too late.

From our three decades of research with successfully married couples, here are the 5 tips for jolting your relationship out of a negative rut:

1. Take an honest look at what YOU could do differently to improve your relationship. Could you spend more time with your spouse, or take more interest in their hobbies, or notice their strengthens instead of weaknesses or talk more openly about what is bothering you?

2. When dealing with a marital crisis avoid saying:
1. It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad or your child gets in trouble at school. Blame doesn’t work!
2. I told you so! These four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages.
3. Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . .” in a public setting.
4. Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength.
5. Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite.

3. Repair your spirit and your balance. Take the steps to get healthy mentally and physically. You can't turn off the negativity when you are in an unhealthy state. You need to heal yourself first.

4. Appreciate what you have! If you have good health, a place to live, or a job, you already have more than most people in the world. Focus on the positives. Talk openly about them. Your happiness will begin putting the spark back in the relationship.

5. Successful couples build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis. Here are their recommendations for the five things that you should say to your spouse everyday to establish positive interactions:
1. I love you.
2. I am so lucky to be married to you!
3. You look beautiful (handsome)!
4. I would like your opinion and value our wisdom.
5. And finally, everyday of your life with the one you love, point out one of their strengths.

Remember, getting out of a negative spiral begins with one positive action, then another, until a habit of positive actions is built in your relationship.

Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!

**For hundreds of practical tips to strengthen your love, read the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz