How To Stop Compromising

Do you find yourself always saying 'yes' to other people's requests? Are you up to your eyes doing errands for others because you just cannot turn them down and say 'no'? Looking back on your life and the decisions you made in the past, Have you pursued a path – career or personal – that was different from what you wanted simply because that's what was expected of you? If you answered yes to the above then you, and several hundreds of thousands of people in this world, have a stronger than normal desire to please others over yourself. It is a common 'malady' (for lack of a better term) that, if kept unchecked, may lead to dissatisfaction later life. However, there is a way to control the urge to please – and the first step towards being liberated from this desire is to understand its roots. To be aware of how it started. Once this has been identified, the next steps would be easier to do.

Wanting to constantly please everyone may have reared its head during your teenage years. Not during childhood – as most children seem to want to do the opposite of what's expected of them. Its during the critical prepubescent and teenage period that fitting in – or being with the in-crowd becomes very important. At this stage, you probably did things simply because you wanted others (the cheerleaders, the varsity team, the cliquish group) to like you. Never mind if it's not who you are – what mattered most (at that time) was that you were well liked. And somehow, this erroneous belief continued well through your collegiate years, and on to your professional career.

Now that you are aware of the root of this “pleasing” issue, you would be in control and have more power to say 'no' to requests where you (normally) would have compromised on what you want, in order to be 'liked' or simply to please someone (or everyone).

What do you now, about the compromises you have done in the past? Well, it's no use crying over spilled milk so the best alternative is to accept that you have compromised on some aspects of your life, and to try to find a silver lining in the cloud of 'regret'. Try to find a hidden benefit or value that you have gained by making those so-called 'wrong choices'. Surely you benefited out of it – somehow. You may have learned a new skill, discovered something valuable about yourself, made new friends – identify these. No matter how small, or seemingly insignificant these may be – these helped shape you to be the person you are now – and that's important.

There's a French proverb that states: “The art of pleasing is the art of deceiving” and it is true: you deceive them, and yourself. So put an end to this vicious cycle of wanting to please others before yourself. Be aware of the root, be aware that you can say 'no', and be aware of the benefits your past actions have given you. Once you become aware of these, you'll learn to be flexible and soon new horizons and other options will arise that will strengthen and empower you.