Better Professional Relationships -- Giving and Receiving

Every professional relationship has a purpose, and often we don't really know what the purpose is. We may think different relationships have different purposes. The purpose of a relationship with a potential customer may seem to be to sell a product or service. The purpose of a manager-staff member relationship may seem to be to motivate the staff member or to succeed in the leadership position. The purpose of a networking relationship may seem to be to get new business. The problem with these relationship purposes is that they are about getting. Relationships and the results they produce improve when the purpose is to give.

If you and I work together my purpose in our relationship is to help you be successful. In this frame, I am responsive to you. Your needs and concerns are important to me. Whether you are my boss or my employee, my customer or client, or my colleague, your success should be my goal. In the workplace, we build strong loyalties and a stronger organization when we give to others. When I am responsive to your needs and concerns, you learn that you can trust me. When you see that I care about your success, it makes you want to care about my success.

In networking groups (such as BNI), this is called "Givers gain." It means that we gain automatically when we truly give to others. As a business person, helping others to succeed helps me to succeed. Over the years I have enjoyed referring work to others who were more qualified or more interested to do work that sometimes I could have had for myself. In turn, others have done the same for me. In my business of coaching/consulting, receiving business is much easier than getting business. That is, having people referred to me is much easier and more effective than knocking on doors as a stranger and convincing someone I don't know to consider me. Business is referred to me usually because I have given of myself in a previous situation.

It is true that not everyone you help will help you back. In my work experience there were fellow staff members I helped who were not there for me. In business there have been people who received major business from me and didn't even say thank you. It doesn't matter. Giving is not about getting. Giving is about who I am. I give because I enjoy giving. I help others to be successful because I enjoy helping others to be successful. Giving is receiving. When I help someone experience success I feel good, therefore I have received.

When I focus on getting, co-workers, colleagues, managers, and customers become objects---a means to an end. Certainly there are many examples of people who have become financially successful by using others without regard to their needs or concerns. The question is: Is that you? Is that who you want to be? Helping someone succeed, complimenting someone, teaching someone, and connecting people to other people---all of these actions feel good. Refusing to help someone, talking negatively about someone, using someone without regard to their needs, focusing all of your attention on your needs--for the most part, these actions do not feel good.

I have met thousands of people in workplaces and in doing business over the past twenty years. The happiest and most successful people I meet are givers. They are people who give of themselves every day to help others succeed. They are leaders, because as givers, people are drawn to them. Those who blame and complain; those who focus on what they should be getting; and those who see themselves as victims of the economy, victims of managers, or victims of their own company are generally not happy. The difference between the two---the givers and the unhappy ones, is a matter of focus. Givers focus on what they can do for others. Generally unhappy people are focused on themselves.

Giving is a joyful act. True giving is not focused on what you will get back. If you find yourself saying that you give, give, give, and get nothing in return, then you aren't truly giving. You are expecting a specific return, therefore you are focused on getting. When others do not appreciate what you have to give, give them your blessing. Find those who will appreciate what you have to offer.

If you are happy, congratulations! Keep on giving and serving. If you are unhappy, spend more time thinking about what you can offer to others and less time focused on you. If you truly believe that your current situation doesn't allow you to give, make a change. Set your vision and take action to move toward it.

When you give without regard for whether or not a person will give back, interesting things happen. I may give to several persons who are not able to give me anything. Yet, I find myself receiving from others I have never given to. It has to do with an abundance mindset. When you see the Universe as an abundant place, you are free to give without worry. When you believe in scarcity, that there is only so much and you better grab yours, or worse, that you are entitled to what others have, then there is never enough. Relationships are mostly unsatisfying because a focus on getting has us always wanting or needing something, often disappointed, and often frustrated.

True giving and receiving are the same. You prosper while helping others to prosper. What other people do and say is not personal. The goal is always--what can I do to help this person? Help does not always mean doing something. We help others by holding constructive thoughts toward them. We help by speaking well of them. We help by watching for opportunities to help and then taking action. We succeed in our work and in business by demonstrating our ability to help others succeed. We are hired, employed, thanked, purchased from and compensated for what we can do for others. Giving is its own reward, because every act of true giving blesses and fulfills you.