Five Ways to Win Your Man Back

“I have to talk to you,” my husband said. His somber tone told me nothing pleasant would follow.

We got in the car and I figured maybe this talk had to do with another job change, or a new way to tackle our bills. During our eight years of marriage, these issues called for serious conversations.

But what blurted out as we drove out of our subdivision shocked me, cramped my stomach and flung me into near hysteria.

“I can’t continue with our marriage,” he said. “I have someone else in my life.”

He might as well have shot me, as my insides were torn and my heart bled with rejection.

But now, after celebrating our 35th anniversary, I look back at that episode and smile at the victory.

Let me tell you how to win back your man’s love, how to regain his admiration, and how to secure his commitment.

First of all, men want a woman whom they can admire, respect and one who’s emotionally together. So ladies, let’s take a deep breath and control our negative emotions. Learning to calm our rage, bitterness and resentment is a must. Yes, heartache and rejection sometimes sear. But those emotions have no place before him. We need to display poise and confidence. Here are my five ways you can win him back and rekindle the flame:

1) We cannot control something that’s bigger than us, like our spouse’s love. So we step aside and let God take on that task. First, we recognize a man doesn’t make us whole, God does. Our husband is not the one to provide for us, God is. And lastly, our man isn’t the one who can fill the void in our heart, God can.

During conversations regarding the future of the relationship, we draw God’s strength to face, to react and to respond with grace and maturity. A man’s reasons for his unfaithfulness don’t need to be rehashed. What’s done is done. The future is now what matters.

2) We have to avoid taking vengeance and refrain from spying on him. Tracing his steps to learn more details will only make us bitter, frustrated and evoke sad shame. Rather, we need to exert efforts to fuel our dignity. His behavior didn’t diminish the significance we possess, our worth or our ability to find joy.

3) We pray for wisdom. Wisdom to choose words to convey our position in a firm way. We let him know the behavior is not acceptable. We insist on honesty and commitment. And with poise and calmness, we hold on to our high standards. Stating our position clearly and confidently will regain his respect.

4) We must never, ever chase him, make him feel guilty or beg to win him back. His affection will gravitate toward the woman he can look up to and find emotionally attractive.

5) Finally, we must trust that God has the power to transform his heart; to heal the relationship. Trust that God will teach us to control our thoughts, and to give us the strength to forgive.

Victory over infidelity is 10% him and 90% us. Conquering negative emotions and choosing to embrace God’s confidence will turn painful betrayal to a new, passionate beginning.