When we are happy, self-assured children then we will grow up into happy, self-assured adults. When things go wrong, if a child learns how to handle it then as adults they will too know how to handle it with dignity and grace. If we instil in our children that they are worthy, they are enough and they are loved, then they will grow into adults knowing they are worthy, they are enough and they are loved. Isn’t that what we want all really want for our children anyway?
As a child our minds are like open filters taking everything in, forming our beliefs. It is those beliefs that we take forward with us into adulthood. We can either sabotage ourselves or we can build ourselves up – depending on our beliefs. Depending on those beliefs we formed in our early years as a child.
Whether we realise it or not, we are raising adults. Our children are already children. They know how to be a kid, it comes naturally. One of our roles as parents, teachers etc., and probably one of the most important, is affirming our children to be the best they can be. To help instil in them the beliefs that they are worthy, they are loved and they do belong.
Wherever we turn there are confusing messages for our kids (and for us too). Unless we look like this, have this or that then we might as well give up now. For our children, trying to figure out their place this can be a confusing time to say the least.
It is important to affirm our children as much as possible, so that the have beliefs that empower them.
You are about to learn a two step process that does exactly that. Your children will learn to see themselves for who they are. By doing this practice everyday, you will see your child’s self-esteem rocket as they form beliefs that are worthy, they are good enough and they are loved.
Many years ago, I was at a seminar which a middle-aged woman spoke. From my standpoint from a physical standpoint she was what I would describe as “normal”. But there was something about her that was captivating; the belief about herself so strong that you could feel it across the room. A room filled with hundreds of people.
This lady explained that as a child, her parents had always told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world. It wasn’t just a bunch of meaningless words, they meant it. She could feel it. As she grew into an adult, she had no reason to doubt it. They had been telling her everyday. Whenever a beautiful woman, by society’s standard, entered the room she didn’t feel inadequate nor did she feel superior. She felt confident and beautiful. She was happy with who she was.
Wouldn’t that be a beautiful gift for our daughters?
This is a good idea around a dinner table, as you have a captive audience but wherever works best for your family is of course perfectly fine. Start with one of your children. Each member of the family takes turn stating 5 things they appreciate and admire about the child in the spotlight. There is only one rule: everything must be spoken about in the positive. Otherwise there is no right or wrong. Once everyone has had a turn, repeat the process with each other member of the family.
This isn’t just about the kids. Have them say 5 positive things about you too. You may be surprised to learn how much your children appreciate you!
Suffering from clinical anxiety for over 30 years of my life, I have come to understand the power of the mind. It is one thing to say positive things about yourself; it is a completely different thing to believe it.
Have you ever received a compliment from someone that you have dismissed, thinking to yourself “well that’s not true”? This second part of the process helps to stop that from happening. It helps your child anchor good feelings and beliefs about themselves.
Have each member of the family say one they like or appreciate about themselves. This can be a rather foreign thing to do which is why the suggestion is to start at one. You can build that up to five after awhile.
One of the key factors is to ensure that they don’t repeat the same thing every night. There are hundreds of things they could like and appreciate about themselves. By looking for them, not only will they find them, but your children will soon realise they are indeed special and definitely worthy.
Felicity Baker is a mindset expert. She suffered from clinical anxiety for over 30 years before overcoming it.
She has been raising her own children pratically on her own for over 10 years. With two teenagers and her baby now in double figures, she understands what works and what doesn't. Continually getting compliments about her children, all with different personalities, she has seen them blossom, even though they have had to deal with a lot of hardship in their lives.
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