Spousal Abuse Is No Laughing Matter

Because the Bible says the husband is the head of the wife, some husbands believe they have a right to be the boss and keep their wife in line. Well the Scriptures teach that the husband is the head of hiswife, but there is more to be said.

Marriage is one of the great gifts God has given to man. I can think of nothing more precious than a husband and wife who have lived their whole lives in a covenant of love with a marriage that is happy and fulfilling.

Back a couple of years ago Steve and I had a couple (proclaimed Christians) come to visit us for a few days. This couple was in their 60's and had been married for forty something years.

I remember so vividly that the wife was trying to tell a story and her husband would interrupt her and correct everything she said. This happened over and over again. At one point during her story the husband waved his hand at her as if to say "just shut up, you don't know what you're talking about" as he rolled his eyes and made a shhh noise with his mouth. I was flabbergasted! Finally, the wife told her husband to just tell the story himself, and so he did. Low and behold, the husband told the exact same story as the wife did. I was so appalled at what I had witnessed that I had to excuse myself for a moment.

My thought was how could a husband treat his wife like this. How could a husband treat his wife like this and in front of someone else? Isn't this the woman he is in love with and cherishes?

On another occasion, we went to visit this same couple. While we were there we all (our children included) sat down at the table to eat. During that time, the wife was trying to tell a story, the husband interrupted her and said some things to her that were simply downright verbally and emotionally abusive. The wife did all she could to hold back the tears in front of us and our children. Her chin was quivering, her eyes were watering. It was such an awful scene and my heart was crushed for this woman. What is a man thinking when he acts this way? Does he really believe this is OK to speak to his wife like this? Was that what his parents taught him? Is that what they have taught their children?

When we got into the car to leave that day, our children said that they felt so sorry for this woman. They talked about how hurt she was and how sad they were to see her in such pain.

Upon spending more time with this aged Christian couple, they would argue and argue, or debate and debate, which ever you'd like to call it, and the wife said "excuse us Rhonda, that's just how we are." That's just how we are? That's what their 40 something years of marriage has been like? Sounds more like hell than heaven to me.

Now, I know a little about this couple's 40 something years of history together and it is not pleasant at all. Their children were damaged by the fighting and arguing that went on in the house and they surely didn't learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I heard one of their daughters say to the wife of another couple, "oh, your husband will never take advice from you." What? I thought! Are you serious? As I pondered on this daughter's statement I thought why in the world would a husband not want advise from his wife, the woman that loves him more than anything in this world? The woman that God created to be his help! This is insain! It saddened me to realize this couple's children have been raised to believe this nonsense. I would have never put up with this for 40 something years and I don't expect anyone else to do so.

The apostle Paul gives us God's description of marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33: Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, soalso wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with theword, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his ownflesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave hisfather and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Any man who treats the woman he married unkindly is acting very foolishly. He is not only disobeying God, he is deceiving himself. Only a fool could think that abusing his wife will be a benefit to him! Wise husbands knowthat the better they treat their wives, the more their wives will respond with love and respect.

When husbands show love to their wife and wives show respect to their husband, the marriage prospers and develops. You can make your marriage brighter and better, husbands, if you can learn to demonstrate Christian love to your wife. This is the type of home that I grew up in. My father adored my mother and my mother respected his decisions. They demonstrated Christian love throughout our home and throughout our lives. It's been a very difficult road for me to find a husband that could even come close to my dad's loving character.

Loving your wife involves taking the time to be close to her and to listen to her. The happiest couples spend time with each other, talking and listening to each other. Husbands and wives should spend a good while each day in meaningful conversation. Turn the television off, get away from the computer, and talk face to face. A wise husband will take the time to share his life with the woman he loves. He wants to know about her and is willing to invest his life in her by listening. To fail to pay attention to your wife is to say to her that you do not care what she has to say. Such behavior is abusive and not loving. James said in James 1:19-20, "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires."

I hope that as you have read this story you realize that a man is not suppose to abuse his wife, he is not suppose to verbally, physically, mentally or emotionally abuse her in private or in front of others. I hope that if you are in a marriage like this you realize how damaging abuse is, whether you are the husband or the wife!

The bible is against divorce and I do want to add, the bible is also against abuse! This is not the way God intended a marriage to be! This is no way to treat a woman or for a woman to be treated. It is not healthy and it is not an environment to raise your children in. Raising your children in this type of environment is creating a cycle of more unhappy and broken marriages and homes filled with abuse.

God is so wonderful to forgive us. His forgiveness teaches us how to forgive even in the deepest of hurts. The goodness of God towards us makes us want to be good too. You can stop the abuse!