A woman wrote recently to ask my advice about what to say to her guy about his not telling her what he was going to be doing. Her concern was not wanting to wait for him. I’m afraid I gave her more than she bargained for.
My advice: If you don’t have a date set, with a time, say nothing. He is a free individual and can do anything he wants. He shouldn’t have to tell you where he is and what he’s doing. You either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t it’s either because you have trust issues, or he’s untrustworthy. If you have trust issues, you need to work on those before you’re in a relationship. If he’s untrustworthy, you should not be with him.
I hope that all makes sense. One of the reasons men leave the women they are dating is they lose their freedom. Men shouldn’t have to lose their freedom. Watch this video to hear my wise friend discuss this topic: What Does Commitment Mean To a Man.
And did you see my comedy show? I make a joke about women wanting to get a man to “behave.” If you are offended by the “F” word, don’t watch it!: How To Get a Man To Behave.
I hope this advice helps. The bottom line is, if you have to work to get him to behave, then there’s a problem. Women generally try to get men to behave, and men want their freedom. That’s why it’s so important to develop Feminine Grace because a big part of it is looking in the mirror and looking at our behavior, our responses and reactions to people and situations.
Either a man is enhancing our lives, or they’re not. If they’re not, we need to look at why we think they’re not. Are we being reasonable and respectful of his need to be his own person, or is he truly being disrespectful.
If he’s being disrespectful, he might not realize it. That’s when we can say something like this, “You probably didn’t mean it, but when you did (or said) … it made me feel …. I just wanted to let you know.” Then see how he responds. If he apologizes and says that’s not what I meant, then you can have a calm UNEMOTIONAL discussion about how you can find balance with your need to control him, and his need for freedom.
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Kara Oh, Relationship coach, best-selling author and public speaker, offers a full range of products and services to assist women and men with everything they need to create fulfilling relationships that are filled with love, playfulness, romance and passion. Whether you are single and looking for the right partner, involved and frustrated, or married and struggling with everything from an affair to falling out of love, her unique resources offer everything that you need to enjoy the kind of relationship you
desire.
Men Made Easy - How to Capture His Heart Forever. What if you learned how to go from "totally confused" about men to knowing how to melt his heart and be cherished by a man who adores you forever? Learn how here.