Q: Help, I think I'm addicted to my cellphone! I constantly check for messages and am disappointed when there aren't any. I can't stop using it – even when I drive! I've told myself over and over to leave my cell alone but just can't do it. Is this an addiction?
Have you ever found yourself surrounded by people who aren’t talking to each other because they’re too busy on their cellphones?
Crazy?
No, it’s the norm.
Why is it a problem since this is a great way to stay in touch with friends and business connections?
Well, the misperception is that this is a healthy way of engaging with others, but the opposite is true... bbm’ing, sms’ing and MXIT are ways of avoiding real life, face-to-face interactions. If we were truly honest with ourselves, we would see that this is obsessive behaviour and can become a dependency.
Dependencies include both substance and processes (Over-spending, nail biting, fantasy). When scanning the brain, it has been found that a substance and process/behavioural dependency have EXACTLY THE SAME EFFECT ON THE BRAIN CHEMISTRY!
Addiction is progressive and if left unchecked, ALWAYS GETS WORSE!
Dependency on a behaviour or drug occurs in stages:
1. Intoxication - when a substance or compulsion causes mood changes, faulty judgment, aggressive behaviour, impaired social functioning.
2. Abuse - use of the substance/behaviour results in your failure to fulfil responsibilities or to maintain healthy relationships, or when you put yourself or others at risk of potential harm (like driving whilst sms’ing).
3. Addiction - you experience these indicators:
a. Drug/behavioural tolerance: you need more of their drug/behaviour to obtain the same effect
b. Physical dependence: you suffer from withdrawal symptoms (anxiety)
c. Craving: you develop a pattern of compulsive behaviour (cellphone use)
4. Withdrawal - the distress caused by lack of the drug/behaviour severely disrupts your daily life.
The paradox of addiction is that Psychologists have thought for generations that virtually all self-defeating behaviour was caused by repression. While repression stifles desire, addiction attaches desire to certain specific behaviours, things, or people until these come to rule the person’s life.
The word attachment comes from the old French attaché, which means “nailed to”, and as such, attachment “nails” an addict’s desire to specific objects, behaviours, people etcetera and creates addiction. That’s why traditional psychotherapy, based on the release of repression, is ineffective and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is so powerful!
A cognition (thought) actually creates your emotion, which determines how you behave. Recent studies indicate that CBT actually changes brain chemistry and is more effective than medication or other psychotherapies.
If you are struggling, why not try some of these techniques:
• Set yourself a limit to using your phone. This may include only checking for messages 3 times a day or only spending 10 minute periods on your cellphone.
• Switch your phone off when you are driving so that you are not tempted to respond to a sms or call.
• Wear an elastic band around your wrist and every time you find yourself obsessing, snap the band against your wrist.
• Ask for help from friends and family!
• Speak out loud... you cannot think and speak at the same time!
For a more comprehensive consultation (via Skype, phone or face-to-face), please email me on lesly.uys@gmail.com
Lesly Uys is a Therapeutic & Addictions counselor with more than 25 years experience in the field, both in SA and UK. As such she seeks to use her knowledge and experience to exhort others to freedom, being able to be themselves and feel loved. Lesly’s no-nonsense, direct approach has earned her respect, whether teaching life skills in prisons, running HIV support groups, individually counseling people, running entrepreneurship seminars, in ministry or training sessions….