The pain of failing to find and cultivate a successful intimate relationship must be horrible to endure. Especially if you have been trying for quite some time to find a partner and develop a lasting bond. Maybe the time has come for you to stop the excessive dating-rush and take the time to learn about yourself and the ways in which you shoot yourself in the foot. The “long” way is sometimes the short one.
YET YOU KEEP RUNNING, RUSHING, HURRYING:
* You go on as many blind dates as possible on any given week.
* You tell yourself – “There is no time to spare; I’m getting older with the day”.
* You convince yourself: "I must go on all these dates; exactly the one I won't go on could be “THE ONE!”
* You're afraid you might miss something.
* You're scared there might be an opportunity there which will never return.
So you keep running around, despite being tired, even if you really would have preferred to stay home, relax, read a magazine, watch TV.
LIVING BETWEEN TWO PAINS
* The pain of being alone is too great to stop running;
* The pain of not having a relationship is too painful to stay alone.
Eventually, even though you begin to lose faith in yourself after having tried so hard, you continue searching “soul-mates”, continue surfing the internet and slowly become even more depressed, disappointed and desperate.
WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?
Stop running! Slow down! Take time off from the rush for gold. Try something new: reflect, contemplate, think over your attempts and try to understand why you haven’t been successful in developing a satisfying relationship until now:
* Could it really be that you haven’t found your “soul-mate” yet?
* Is it really so that “all these men” or “all these women” are problematic?
* Or could it be that there is something in YOU which prevents you from developing the relationship you so much desire?
This might be a scary thought – if it hasn’t crossed your mind by now. But if you are willing to entertain this possibility and find out what in you might stand in your way from establishing an intimate relationship, you will increase the likelihood of finding one.
FINDING OUT HOW YOU SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT
In order to understand how you sabotage yourself and your relationships, you need to develop Self-Awareness: get to know what causes you to behave in self-sabotaging ways and learn how to change. Slowing down the search for a relationship and taking the time to learn about yourself will lead you faster to your goal.
Dr. Gil is the author of “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship”. Available as eBook and paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relations...
Doron Gil, Ph.D.,expert in the interplay between Self-Awareness and Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counselor and consultant. He has taught this subject to thousands of students and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to improve their personal and professional relationships.