Of course an affair can be a very challenging thing for any marriage to cope with, but you’d be fooling yourself if you think that you and your spouse are the only people effected by the affair. You can’t forget those little things called children.
Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for, and they’ll be able to pick up on the fact that things are “different” between mom and dad. Maybe they even have those talks with each other in the bunk bed while they’re trying to get to sleep at night, wondering if the two of you are going to divorce.
Either way, if you and your spouse are having trouble getting along after one of you cheated, your kids can feel this.
It can help put their minds at ease if you reassure them that everything will be okay. Obviously, don’t make promises if you’re not sure that you can keep them, but it can help them immensely if you let them know that everything will be okay.
This will not only stop their imaginations from running amok, but it is also a subtle affirmation to yourself that no matter what happens from this ordeal, that you will survive and go on living once all the dust is settled.
It is also a good idea to spend some time together with them. Chances are good that if you or your spouse has been involved in an affair, then you probably haven’t really been putting in the time with your children.
It’s understandable. You’re busy fretting over whether or not you can work things out with your partner or if you’ll be going to divorce court. It’s easy to get lost in the drama of an infidelity and overlook your kids.
Spending time with you will help your children feel more at ease about things, especially if you give the impression of being calm and relaxed about things. And chances are good that you can benefit from spending time with your children as well. It will help you reconnect with what is important in your life and with your family. It may even give you the inspiration to help save a troubled marriage from the threat of divorce.
So take the time to take your kid out to the county fair, go see the latest and greatest computer animated film at the theater, or anything else that you might usually do with your kids. It will benefit both you and your children to be doing “normal” things again rather than dealing with the uneasy feelings that you all are probably experiencing right now.
As you can see, your children are actually quite bright. They know that something isn’t right between mom and dad. Taking the time to talk to them and spend time with them will not only put their minds at ease, but it can also help you step away from the drama of the infidelity and reconnect with what is important about your life and your family for a moment.
If you found this article helpful and you'd like to learn more about what do do if you catch your husband having emotional affair, be sure to check out my recommended infidelity books.
Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.