6 Questions To Ask Yourself When You Think Your Life's Unfair

Fairness: What an Interesting Concept

In life, sometimes stuff works out and sometimes, it doesn’t. Of course it does. And doesn’t. Sometimes, things go exactly to plan and sometimes, our plan kicks us in the nuts. Sometimes, we manage our situation and sometimes, our situation manages us. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people and sometimes, good things happen to bad people.

Don’t ask me why, it just does.

Sometimes, in the middle of all our good intentions, positive attitude, responsible behaviours and logical choices, we still find a way to hurt people we care about. Including ourselves. Sometimes, we land on our feet and sometimes, we fall on our head. Sometimes our kindness and generosity are met with criticism and skepticism.

So not fair.

The Reality Fairy

Sometimes, we are pleasantly surprised by certain people and sometimes, the Reality Fairy takes a dump on our unsuspecting head. Sometimes, life opens a door of opportunity and sometimes, that door breaks our nose as it slams shut.

To be honest, of all there is to know about life, I know virtually nothing. The older I get, the more this becomes apparent. I’m more of an observer than I am any kind of expert but what I do know is that life is a messy, dynamic, amazing, terrifying, beautiful and unpredictable ride. I also know that you and I constantly create our own personal reality (moment by moment, day by day) and therefore, our lives mean whatever we decide they mean.

Our Self-Created Reality

If I truly believed that my life was unfair, then that would be my literal (self-created) reality. Consciously or not, intentionally or not, you and I are constantly giving things (experiences, events, conversations, situations, relationships) labels and therefore, meaning and power. Good, bad. Hard, easy. Lesson, problem.

Fair, unfair.

For most of us living our comfortable first-world lives, our personal happiness level has little to do with the situation or circumstance we find ourselves in and a lot to do with how we act, react, process and interpret the goings-on of our world. In other words, it has a lot to do with what transpires in that space between our ears.

In a very literal sense, life is what we make it. And think it.

The Fairness Fallacy

In the context of this discussion, fairness only exists in our mind. It’s a personal interpretation. An interpretation that varies greatly from person to person. It’s a label. An idea. An opinion. And, for many people, a barrier to happiness and progress. Some people are so obsessed with how unfair their lives are that they actually forget to live. And sadly, in the middle of all their woe-is-me-ness, they surrender their power, their potential and, ultimately, their happiness to a self-created injustice.

Somewhere along the way, some of us have convinced ourselves that life owes us something. It doesn’t.

A Few Questions To Ask Before We Finish:

1. The ‘fairness of life’ mindset is a dangerous and destructive place to live.

2. Labeling a life fair or unfair serves no positive or intelligent purpose. It helps nobody and invariably leads to nothing more than self-pity.

3. The notion of life owing anyone anything is a ridiculous concept because ‘life’ (in this context) is a philosophical construct. Some people talk about it (life) like it is some kind of conscious entity or intelligent being that somehow makes decisions about you and me, thereby determining our destiny. Good grief. Get a grip.

4. Life is not in charge of your destiny, your future or your outcomes. You are.

5. If I said to you “hey, that banana is unfair” would you think I was an idiot? Well, that’s how helpful and logical it is for you to label your life unfair. The “my life is unfair” mindset is nothing but a waste of emotional energy. Which invariably leads to a waste of mental and physical energy.

6. Should I tell my twelve year-old paraplegic client (Issy) that her life is unfair? Will that help her on any level? If anything, it will distract her from what matters: exploring her potential, learning new things, making progress and having fun.

The pertinent question today is not “is my life fair or unfair” but rather, “in the middle of all my inevitable trials and tribulations, what will I do with my life.”