Elle’s guy started cheating on her in the first year of their rocky six-year relationship. He had physically and emotionally abused her. Several times he moved interstate without telling her where he was going, only to call her several weeks later, apologising, declaring his everlasting love and begging her to come to him. Listening to her heart and not her head, Elle let him back each time.
She finally called it off only when she heard he was engaged to another girl. No surprise to us, of course he had been sleeping with both women for six months!
"The worst thing is," she cried," I still miss him. I still love him and I can’t stop thinking about him and wanting him."
Obsessive love is, unfortunately, quite common. To most people, Elle has to be crazy to put up with someone who breaks promises, vanishes without discussion and abuses her. But the truth is, even the most mild-mannered of us can go love-crazy when we fall for someone.
Interestingly, the person who causes the heartbreak doesn’t always have to be the "mongrel" type our Elle had put up with. We can suffer the same obsessive heartbreak when our ex is the kindest, nicest person ever – but who unfortunately for us, just happened to fall in love with someone else. (Our story could just as easily been about Rodney, the nice guy, and Sue, the butterfly. Both males and females are responsible for breaking hearts.)
So what can we do to stop those painful thoughts going around in our head and those inexplicable bursts of crying that hit us when we hear "our song" or see a mushy movie? How can we let go of the hurt in our hearts?
I recommend you write down the events of your past relationship and highlight all the negative or hurtful ones. For those of us who can see we were with a "mongrel", we have some valuable ammunition. We have our facts! We deserve better!
For those of us who have been unlucky enough to lose a love to someone else, we should tell ourselves that the universe has someone special waiting for us who will commit to a lasting relationship
Next, rule up a page and write down the ideal scenario for you in a loving and trusting relationship. This is now your goal. You deserve the best relationship ever, so learn from the ex of the past and don't compromise on the next!
Dr. Janet Hall is a psychologist, hypnotherapist, sex therapist, author, professional speaker, trainer, and media consultant. Jan consults regularly with print media and is a frequent guest on talk-back radio and current affairs shows.
Jan was a regular for two years on the Sex Life television program in Australia. Her user-friendly strategies offer practical solutions to sexual and relationship issues so that you can have the love and the sensational sex that you deserve. Jan has a unique ability to encourage people to clarify their situation and solve their own problems with both heart (trusting intuition and feelings) and head (with logical analysis and rational prioritization). She believes that people deserve to feel empowered and allow themselves to be the best they can for the good of all. Jan has a happy knack of making psychology user friendly.
Dr Janet Hall