One of the biggest problems between men and women is their view of a relationship. Instead of looking at your connection as a relationship, try to view it as a partnership. This opens up a whole new dynamic. The average person goes into a relationship with a simple objective, to have someone else fulfill their wants and needs. There would be far more successful relationships if people viewed their connection as a partnership.
In my years of research I’ve come across two main reasons why men leave women. First on the list are behaviour problems. Men just cannot cope with the drama and emotional pain women bring into a relationship. The woman’s unrealistic expectations, and inappropriate behaviour when he doesn’t meet them, create a wall that most men are unwilling to break through.
The second problem is simply that the man has given up trying to make her happy. No matter how many men I talk to, their age, their success in relationships, or their personality type, I can almost always narrow down the reason they walked away to one of these two problems.
When women stop viewing their connection with a man in terms of relationship, and start thinking in terms of partnerships, most of the behaviour problems disappear.
Partners work together to reach a solid goal. Both you and your boyfriend have one goal, to be happy, have fun together, and create harmony in your home. They put aside their individual problems and needs and develop a team mentality.
When I talk to women I usually narrow their relationship problems to one thing. They cannot find a man who can satisfy all their needs. When these ‘needs’ are analysed, they are often unrealistic and selfish. When I sit down with a woman to discuss what she perceives as a need, we make a list. Then we go through the list item by item and delete everything that is really a ‘desire’ or is not important.
When we are done this exercise we usually find the woman’s list of needs has shrunk to one or two things. The rest of the list was superficial. This can be a devastating moment of reality as the women comes to realize that she pushed away some great men for reasons that are not really important to them.
Here are 10 easy ‘first steps’ to help you change your relationship into a partnership
1. Do not expect him to fix all your problems.
2. Do not dump all your emotional baggage on him. Keep that for your girlfriends.
3. Find things that he does right and tell him how much you appreciate the effort.
4. Be honest and tell him how to make you happy.
5. Be open and ask him how you can make him happy.
6. Do not judge his answers, desires, or needs. Just meet him half way.
7. Remember that it is not his job to make you happy.
8. Look for little ways you can ‘help’ him relax and enjoy his evening – he will notice.
9. Have date nights
10. Give him space. Do not expect to be involved in all his ‘guy activities.’
Suzanne James has 10 years experience as an online life coach and using the telephone to facilitate her coaching strategy. She brings experience helping clients reset their core values, make changes in their communication and relationship styles, and take back control of their lives. There is a wealth of information on her website: http://www.suzannejames.com