Why is it that we procrastinate and put off taking actions that are going to help us to achieve our goals? There are many answers that are given to this question: I don’t have the time; it’s going to cost too much money; I don’t know enough; I’m not qualified or experienced enough, and so on.
I say that it all boils down to one thing – fear. Fear of rejection, failure, humiliation… you name it.
Fear is one of the strongest emotions a human being can have. Some even say that it is one of only two fundamental emotions, the other being love.
The most common way that we deal with fear is through avoidance. We avoid doing the things that could potentially bring about failure, humiliation, embarrassment, or whatever else we are afraid of experiencing.
Avoidance in some cases makes sense, but most of the time it has limited usefulness. It only really works in those situations where real danger exists– for example, where there is the risk of violence, injury or illness.
But many of the things that we fear have no real threat attached to them, only the imagined threat that exists in our minds. These fears can even be thought of as irrational as they have no real basis in reality.
On 1st May 2011 I decided to confront a very real fear of mine – the fear of being rejected and ridiculed. I embarked on a 90 day challenge to go out and speak to complete strangers about what it means to be courageous. It was my intention that, through my own demonstration of taking courageous action, I would inspire others to do the same.
The start of the challenge was terrifying. I feared that people would laugh at me, ignore me, abuse me or even be violent towards me. But I went ahead and did it anyway, and the response has been incredible. People have been warm, interested, complimentary, funny, loving… nothing like I had feared at all. And in the process I have overcome a fear that I’ve had for a long time. And I know that I’m making a difference to the people that I talk to.
Where is fear holding you back in your life? Are there things that you would like to do, especially the things that you know are going to make a difference to your quality of life, that you are avoiding because of fear?
Here are some lessons that I’ve learned through taking on my own fears:
• Determine what it is that you want. Make it good! Something that’s both challenging and exciting, and the thought of which puts a few butterflies in your stomach. In 1999 I got on a bus in Brixton, South London and I started speaking to the commuters about making a difference. The mood in the bus went from being like a funeral parlor to a joyous, vibrant and energetic space, with people talking, laughing and sharing. The bug bit then and I knew that this was something that I needed to do. It was my fear that kept me from taking action over the next 10 years. But the vision remained.
• Get clear on what it’s going to take to get to where you want to be, and develop an action plan. Once I had committed to this 90 day challenge, I set about identifying some key places where I could talk to people, places where I knew I would find groups of people who might we willing to listen. The gym, coffee shops, parks, bus stations. And I put together a script so that I least I didn’t have to worry about what I would say.
• Get some support, people who will cheer you on, encourage you and offer a shoulder to cry on. My wife has been my chief cheerleader in this challenge, and I can’t tell you how valuable that’s been. What I’m doing is unusual, and it’s great to be reminded of why I’m doing this in the first place.
• Do it! Once. Then again, and again. For my first few talks I would imagine myself jumping out of an aeroplane just before approaching a group of people. Once I was out there, I knew that I had to follow through and see the action to its natural conclusion. And you know what, it gets easier. Sure I still get butterflies in my stomach just before I start, but they are tiny jitters – nothing like the terror that I felt right at the beginning.
I am now more than half-way through my challenge and my relationship to speaking to strangers has completely transformed. I know that I can speak to anyone, anywhere about anything. And that makes me unstoppable. And as I continue towards the 90 day mark, I am clear that I will keep pushing the boundaries of courage, and producing amazing results in my life.
Go ahead and face your fears. You’ll be amazed at what shows up as soon as you get into action. Remember, though, that the journey is more important than the outcome.
Si Ekin is an inspirational speaker, coach and facilitator. He is the founder of Ekin Coaching, which helps people to set and achieve their goals by taking courageous action. Si has been a trans-African cyclist, photo journalist and British Army Officer.