My Divorce Journal - What Brought You Here?

Last week I was looking at whether I feel responsibility and shame for others. This week I’m sharing what brought me into Al-Anon.

Then – 3/14/2004

“Journal question – What brought me into Al-Anon? What did I hope to gain at that time? How have my expectations changed?

I came to Al-Anon kicking and screaming because I didn’t want to go. I felt that I shouldn’t have to go to meetings if he’s the one with the problem. My mother and ‘Dr. Brody’ convinced me to go and I’m glad I did. It really is a very spiritual place and I can see how much it has helped the women in their everyday lives, not just in dealing with the alcoholic. I’ve really heard some horrible things and have ironically been grateful that my situation isn’t as bad as theirs. There are women from all walks of life. There is even a man whose wife is an alcoholic and had to be sent away. I’m hopefully learning how to help myself and the kids, which is exactly what I want out of the program right now. I want to make a better life for us in spite of ‘Carl’s’ alcoholism. I would also like to eventually get the kids involved so that they can better understand alcoholism and how it can affect them, especially ‘Dan’ since he is now the son of an alcoholic and has a four times greater chance of becoming one himself. Hopefully with the knowledge we’ll all gain, he can make better choices when he’s older”.

Now - 7/3/11

Last week I had to present my first speech at a Toastmasters meeting. The beginning of the speech was “Hi everyone, my name is Dawn and I am so happy that I married an alcoholic. I know that might shock some of you, but let me explain.” I went on to explain that alcoholism has actually been the key to the authentic life I live today. The reason for that is Al-Anon.

Looking back on the journal entry above, I can remember attending meetings to try to figure out how to fix my ex-husband. What I got instead was the most powerfully spiritual, self help program I had ever experienced. I was taught how to let go of my false sense of control, reminded to keep the focus on myself, encouraged to keep my side of the street clean and introduced to a Power greater than myself. Although my marriage didn’t last, I continued to go to Al-Anon because I was learning a new healthy way to live and I was applying the lessons to every area of my life.

My experience in Al-Anon, the opportunity to help others in their recovery from the effects of alcoholism and my own divorce experience has led me to go back to school and become a certified life coach specializing in divorce recovery.

I have been able to take the darkest period of my life and use it to help others with their journey.

I would never wish alcoholism and the damage it creates on anyone, but if that’s what it took for me to have the authentic life I have today, then I really am happy that I married an alcoholic.