Skinny Dipping is Better Than Double Dipping

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(C) Copyright, Arthur Levine 2011.
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Keywords: Skinny Dipping, Double Dipping, Johnny Oops

What has sex got to do with economics?

I’ve come to the conclusion that swimming naked in the pool is a lot more fun than having my portfolio of stocks live through a double dip. I wonder if I jump in the pool naked twice would that constitute a double dip? Now that I’ve been stripped of all my assets I guess it really doesn’t matter.

I was kind of hoping that the government would change the rules so that I could use the funds in my 401K to pay off my mortgage, but now I no longer need that option. I also no longer have a pool because they are taking my house away so I can’t skinny dip anymore and will have to rely on the ocean if I want to get my kicks and face the risk of getting kicked off the beach for swimming naked in public.

It’s not just the economy that’s in a shambles; it’s my self-esteem. How could I have been so stupid? All the signs were there. Even the water in my pool had started to evaporate. I should have bought gold, but with what?

I think I’ll move to a foreign country and follow the jobs. Oh, did I forget to tell you, I lost my job too. I was very happy being a greeter in a big department store, but when the traffic started to disappear so did I.

Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction or is that simply the depressed state of mind I’m in? Maybe I’m imagining all this double dip stuff. Somebody must be making money. Must be the shorts. That’s my problem—since I started skinny-dipping I don’t wear shorts any more.

Here they come. I better prepare myself. The thought police have arrived to change the way I think. I can’t help it if I’m pessimistic. I’m worried. I’m scared I may end up losing all the good stuff I imagined I had. I guess none of what I thought I had was real. I think I forgot the part about working for a living and concentrated too much on dreaming and believing in what all the pundits were telling me. “Don’t worry about it, corporations have a fortune, our money is overseas, better days are coming, don’t look at the statistics, they are just a bunch of numbers, double dip—never happen.”

What was I thinking or wasn’t I? Now I’ve been stripped of all my assets. All I have left is myself. Time to skinny dip again and hope that better days are coming.

What’s that thought police? That’s the spirit? How come you’re so happy? You want to go skinny-dipping with me?