How can one overcome premature ejaculation?
When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is actually a very common sexual concern.
Can you learn to last longer without resorting to medication? Here are some tips:
1) Do your Kegels
Kegel exercises strengthen a man’s pelvic floor muscles and reinforce his neuro-bio (brain-body) connection. These are the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine while you’re urinating. You can do the squeezes (when your bladder is empty, of course) anywhere at any time – whether it is sitting at a desk, queuing, or on public transport. Kegels can help men increase their awareness of their sexual response. The Kegel squeezing can return a feeling of control when you are approaching the edge of ejaculation or ‘point of no return’.
2) Stop-Start Method
When you feel you are about to come during sex or masturbation, slow down, stop your hand movement, and/ or think of something else. In other words, take yourself mentally out of the situation. After two or three minutes your arousal should have dropped, so you can then return to what you were doing – but take it slowly. Slow and steady will help you last longer. During intercourse, you can either slow down or withdraw altogether from your partner. It is easier to master this technique when you are by yourself masturbating.
3) Use Lube
You can incorporate the use of lubricant into your self-practice and further your mastery of the stop-start method. You would stimulate yourself the same way you do to the point of ejaculation and then slow down or stop until control is regained. If you should choose an oil-based lubricant, remember that it is not safe for use with condoms, and not recommended for use in vaginal penetration.
4) Communicate
Discuss openly and honestly with your partner about sexual desires and needs. You might be surprised that she might not even care or be bothered about you having early ejaculation. What is a distressing condition for a man may genuinely be a non-issue for your partner. If this is a goal you wish to work on for your own sexual fulfilment, ask directly for how and in what ways you would like support. One way to take pressure off you is by agreeing to engage in other kinds of sexual activity, such as the use of sex toys or oral sex if you ejaculate early.
5) Get professional support
Drugs should not be regarded as the first-line treatment but the last resort as there may be side effects. If the above is confusing for you, you can seek professional help that doesn’t rely on pharmaceuticals, preferably a trained sexologist who will coach you through the different body-mind training methods. Find somebody trained and who is comfortable talking about sexuality; who can sympathise about early ejaculation being a stressful situation, and who will be able to explain treatment methods in simple terms which you can understand. Do not assume that all doctors are equally trained and know what is best for your body.
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.