I am sorry to say it but there is no magic wand which can make your sex life better. You must be willing to get solid therapy with an accredited expert and you must change your negative thinking, attitude, feelings and your behaviour.
The typical ways that people sabotage their sex therapy program include:
1. Their erroneous thinking and negative attitude: eg. “It’s just too hard, too much work and too complicated”.
2. Their negative feelings that block their progress and lower their sexual self-esteem and confidence.
Eg. Embarrassment and Inadequacy, Guilt, Fear, Disgust, Resentment, Anger.
3. Their negative behaviours: Eg. Breaking their agreements.
To succeed in sex therapy you need to follow the following program
1. Your thinking and positive attitude – Believe like this:
Our sex-life is valued at twenty-five percent of our relationship and so it has to be a priority.
I have permission on all levels (family, society, religious etc) to express my sexuality in a safe way.
If we avoid conflict we will never resolve our sexual challenges and so we are ripping off our relationship.
It’s NOT normal to not have a good sex life.
I expect my partner to do everything in his/her power to contribute to our positive sex-life and I am committed to do everything in my power to contribute too.
We deserve better than a mediocre sex-life – we deserve the best sex-life we can create.
2. Your positive feelings to enhance your progress and boost your sexual self-esteem and confidence – Feel like this:
Feel Free, confident, loving, enthusiastic, passionate, and respectful.
3. Your positive behaviours – Act like this:
Practice Safe Sex and Super Sex.
Keep all appointments with yourself, your partner and your therapist.
Do all of the homework and remember to bring it to the therapy sessions.
Keep all agreements and promises.
Prioritize sex but keep it in balance in the relationship.
Keep negative feedback outside of the bedroom.
Have an agreed signal between partners (that is always respected and obeyed) when one partner wants the sexual activity to stop.
An Example of Successful Sex Therapy
A couple married as childhood sweethearts over twenty-five years ago. The man had always had premature ejaculation and the woman had never experienced orgasm with intercourse.
They attended all sessions with the therapist together and did all the homework, including listening to audiotapes, reading books and scheduling the sex practices regularly.
After three months the man was able to last up to forty-five minutes without ejaculating. Now she could concentrate on learning how to orgasm with the prolonged intercourse. A year later they reported that they were having simultaneous orgasms after thirty minutes of intercourse and that she was experiencing multiple orgasms with intercourse.
Dr Janet Hall is a Clinical Psychologist, Hypnotist, Author and Professional Speaker. She is the author of eight books on family and relationship issues including "Sex-Wise Teens" and "Sex-life Solutions". She founded the Richmond Hill Psychology Clinic. http://www.drjanethall.com.au
Dr Jan featured regularly on the television program "Sex Life" as their female sex therapist/advisor. Her 19 mps in the Sensational Sex Series frankly and informatively discuss sexual issues ranging from sex therapy using hypnosis, to advice on creating and sharing sexual fantasies, and strategies for sparking up your sex-life. http://www.sex-therapy.com.au