Today I watched an elderly man open his wife’s car door. This occurs millions of times a day right? It’s a rather mundane and innocuous gesture to be sure. However, I was instantly flooded with thoughts and emotions about it. I wondered why, this act triggered, this symbolism of chivalry had provoked me so. Did he open her door out of obligation or respect? Had he always done this?
I posed this question to my fiancé. He too had noticed “Door Opening Gate” as he so playfully labeled it. He said that he didn’t think anything of the act because he opens doors for me constantly that is unless he can’t fit into the space between parked cars. You see he’s 6’3 ½” tall and weighs 240 pounds. Not actually a tinkerbell so he gets a pass on occasion.
After a long pause, (he processes internally first before he speaks. This process makes me crazy but that’s a whole other article.) My fiancé told me that he taught his daughter that if the man in her life didn’t respect her enough to open her door that she should not entertain the idea of dating him. He also stated that more men don’t do it because many women don’t expect it. If women wanted it, men would do it. Period!!
At that moment, I knew why I was so stung by this gesture. That elderly man respected his wife. She meant enough for him to respect her. After all these years, (I assumed that the had been together for eons) he still loved and respected her enough to continue to open doors for her.
I have equated that respect is directly attributed to worth. Not just any worth but my worth. After this personal revelation, I asked my fiancé if he respected me. Again with the pause then he said, “Not only do I respect you I love you. You are my girl now and forever.”
Chivalry represents different things to different people. My interpretation may not be for everyone. I totally understand that. All I can say it that I would much rather the man in my life respect and love me than do something out of obligation.
When something is done out of obligation, you will hear about it again. Trust me. Obligatory acts breed contempt and animosity. Conversely, when you do something out of respect and love, you want the recipient to have something better because it’s heartfelt.
After we concluded our discussion about chivalry, we drove on to our next destination. While leaving the parking lot, I saw a couple holding hands. I again asked my fiancé what he thought about that act. Again with the pause. We have so got to work on that.
You can email me anytime at lori@loripinkerton.com, I would love to help you out with this topic.
For more information from Lori Pinkerton head on over to www.FindLastingLoveNow.com
Lori Pinkerton
Author, Speaker, Coach
Lori Pinkerton specializes in helping woman break through the cycles of relationship disappointments and missed opportunities.
With her innovative process, Lori teaches women how to “grab” the advantages in dating and love.
She helps women rediscover themselves and their dreams. This is easier to say and harder to do. Knowing this, Lori’s coaching products and services take learning one step further by showing women “how to” use these discoveries to have
the relationships most only dream of!
Lori Pinkerton has made a career out of her passion—helping every woman, no matter who they are, create irresistible connections on their dates and ultimately find the love of their life.
Her success caught the eye of TV’s 180 Life and Style Makeovers, a national television show that premiered in the fall of 2010 on the Oxygen channel, and the first show of its kind to account for the whole woman. The producers invited her to share her secrets with America. As the show’s dating and relationships expert, Lori teaches the women how to breathe new love into their lives and she helps women create relationships that leave them feeling wanted instead of feeling wanting.
Her proven tools get to the heart of what matters—showing women how to create the dates they dream of and experience an intimacy that most have given up on ever finding.
Lori doesn’t believe in settling—that’s why she took the scary step of leaving an unfulfilling marriage after 23 years. Tired of her depression and unhappiness, she abruptly took her perfectly imperfect life off autopilot.
Raised by nine moms and three dads before the age of ten, Lori spent her young adult life building a castle of stability around herself.
“I grew up very poor. My granny used to say all the time, ‘If we just had money, everything would be great,’” she says. But once Lori reached the top of that castle—surrounded by multiple houses, a successful construction business, and a model family—she looked down and wondered, “Why do I feel so empty? How come I never feel good enough?”
Lori would find an answer in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a tool for re-envisioning herself beyond the self-imposed limits that had kept her confined for so many years. After studying under NLP expert Richard Bandler, she became a certified trainer and began helping others recognize and act on their vast potential in their personal and professional lives. As a life coach she was wildly successful.
But the now-foreign world of dating made her head spin. She admits,“It took me a year after the divorce to even start dating.” Then the idea to use her business and life-coaching experience in her dating hit her like a ton a bricks. She started Get Up and Date to support women in finding quality dates that lead to lasting love ~ because she understands that settling is too often an easy alternative to fighting for what you want.
This hard-working author, speaker, and coach—now has expanded her reach to help couples reunite and stay together not as the broken shell of what used to be but a TRUE expression of what love is. For more information and transformation as a couple check out her ground breaking programs at:
www.AttractYourEx Blueprint.com