Since your breakup, are you calling everyone you know and recounting the story over and over and over about how he did that or he said this or can you believe what he’s up to now? Let me ask you another question then: What about YOU?
You see, I fell into that trap too. HE was awful. HE was an idiot. HE…HE…HE. Like a broken record, I went on and on and on and on about HIM. Do you see a pattern here? Right. I was all about him.
I could have went on like that for a long, long time. I could have given him and his actions all that energy and attention. But I realized something. If I was giving HIM all my attention, who was paying attention to me? Guess what? Nobody. He wasn’t out there talking about me non-stop and letting what I did bug the crap out of him. No, ma’am. He was busy getting on with his life. A life he appeared to enjoy without me. Double bummer.
Once I realized what I was doing, things began to change. I felt more responsible for me and my life. I didn’t want him to have the ability to control me or my thoughts even though we were over. I was giving him way too much real estate in my head — and it was all free! I couldn’t believe that I was so willing to spend my energy on him instead of thinking of me first. Yikes! I didn’t want to do that. HE wasn’t thinking of me and complaining to all his friends about ME.
Consider the following quote: “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.” ~ Catherine Ponder
Decide if you want to continue the emotional link to him OR if you’d like to take control.
I must warn you that sometimes letting go of resentment means making things easier on him. What do I mean? If you’re going through a divorce, be the bigger person. Let the little things go. It’s called being good to yourself ~ being gentle with you. That’s what feels good. It might mean giving in sometimes when you don’t have to. You could shred all the clothes he left at your house ~ but will you really feel better afterwards? You could sell his limited-edition Star Wars DVD box set on Ebay, but why not go shopping and buy yourself a new outfit that you look dynamite in? That sounds like way more fun to me!
Resentment takes a lot of energy. Why not take it back? Be selfish with your energy. Once I started being good to me and putting myself first, it felt great to let him be him and just go with the flow. Of course, I still fantasized about him getting a raging STD from his skanky girlfriend. I just decided that he wasn’t worth my time or energy anymore. I was worth it, Baby ~ and so are you!
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Laura Smith is the founder of The Breakup Lounge, a business devoted to enriching the lives of women dealing with the end of a relationship. Using her own life experiences, she has developed coaching packages offering tools to help women bring their emotions back into control while still allowing them, ideas for establishing self-care rituals, freedom from potential bitterness and resentment and positive expectations for the future. She understands all the different facets of a breakup including the fear, hopelessness, low self-esteem, whirlwind of emotions, stress and blame that can occur. She loves helping women end the heartbreak and get back to their sassy selves!