Why is it important to your own growth and peace of mind that you are ok with where you are?
Being OK with where you are accomplishes two things.
First of all, it gives you a clear picture of where you are. Second, it gives you piece of mind, and an honest foundation from which you can start healing your early sexual trauma. When you are honest with yourself, you have a solid base to start from. It gives you a starting point from which you can begin to trust yourself.
When you are able to trust yourself, you can slowly but surely begin to trust somebody else, too. You then can allow that man in that you have been so desperately waiting for.
As I am sure you know, love and intimacy can’t be experienced without trust.
When you know where you are starting from, and where you are going to, you can, at any point, check whether you are heading in the right direction or not. If you are off-track, make the necessary adjustments to get back on-track.
Being OK with where you are in life implies that you are no longer lying to yourself about the state of your wellbeing, about the state of your relationships, or about the way you feel. As long as you are thinking thoughts like “Well, I don’t really have a problem, all is good, my relationships will get better one day, he will change someday or I am happy just being by myself”, then nothing will change, and you will continue to be unhappy and your hearts yearning will continued to be unfilled.
Some people spend their entire life that way.
You don’t have to be one of them. Change is a good thing. Intuitively, I am sure, you know this already.
I know in some ways it is easier to pretend that all is well, because it allows you to keep going with the seemingly safe “status quo”. The status quo, even if it is not what you really want, seems much safer, much more comfortable to you, compared to real change and all the unknowns that come with it. The reason for that is, for almost everyone, we are primarily dominated by our scared, two year-old selves, also known as our ego. In reality it is our ego that doesn’t want the change.
You, however, your adult self, your “woman”, wants to be grown up, wants to move ahead and evolve.
Being honest with yourself, accepting and seeing the real state of your internal affairs, takes a lot of courage. You have already mustered quite a lot of it simply being here and reading this.
Honesty is key to any real growth. Being honest with yourself is the foundation of real growth. Being honest with yourself allows your hurting parts to emerge and be seen, then transformed and healed.
As you may have realized, your mind’s many voices have been the leading contributor to your inability to trust, as well as your inability to have the relationship you say you want.
Your mind has a great deal of power over you. You want to make it your friend, so you can use its brilliance to help you in accomplishing your goal.
Once you recognize what you have been lying to yourself about, you’ll also be able to recognize when the lies start to fall away. When this happens, it will serve as proof to your mind that what you are doing is good for you. Then, it will no longer advise you to stop changing.
Your mind will begin to feel safer with the new, “evolving you”, and then will allow you to go deeper. It will, perhaps for the first time in a long time, stop coming up with all kinds of reasons why you shouldn’t change. When you begin to open up emotionally, the mind’s voices will not advise you to run and close down anymore. It will encourage you to stay.
To learn more about how you can get your mind “on board” with you attracting the “man” and on board with you creating your dream relationship check out the Blossom Journey- A Seven Step Journey to Healing Yourself from Early Sexual Trauma and Creating a Deeply Connected and Trust-filled Relationship with a Man.
I am 33 years old, and I have spent more than half my life both learning and teaching about love.
In Germany, where I am originally from, I am both a Naturopathic doctor and Humanistic Psychotherapist. I have been involved in the field of Personal Development for more than 18 years.
I conduct workshops in the United States and Germany, as well as work with clients on a one-to-one basis. I am publishing a book on the subject of healing early sexual trauma, which will be released early next year.
But that’s not what makes me an expert on love, intimacy and relationships. That comes out of my own childhood experiences.
Beginning at the age of eleven, I suffered from immense “soul pain” for over 12 years.
Today, I now know that most of this pain was caused by early sexual abuse, which I had no memory of until relatively recently. The result of the trauma resulting from early sexual abuse was that I suffered from serious eating disorders, addictive behavior, co-dependent relationships and depression.
I basically felt “broken” for most of my life, and I desperately and continually needed to do something in order to not feel the pain.
At the age of twenty-one, I finally had what I now call my “Toilet-Wake-Up-Moment”. It was an epiphany, a moment when time stood still, and it became crystal clear to me that, if I continued to do what I had been doing, my life would be over very, very soon.
There would be no merging with “the one”, no family, no children, no happiness. There would only be a body found on the bathroom floor. My body. One that had suffered a painful and tragic death.
Fortunately, that didn’t happen, Instead, that moment, that epiphany, was the beginning of a journey within. I was incredibly fortunate to have been guided towards some of the most profound teachers in the field of personal healing, and was extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to study with and learn from them.
There was, however, an even greater contribution to my own healing then all the “official” teachers. That turned out to be the numerous men that appeared in my life. Numerous, because I was always in search of the perfect relationship, the perfect man, “the one”.
Each of the relationships was wonderful for a time, than became a lot less so. However, I am now grateful for each one, as it brought me a little closer to the truth about love, intimacy and my very own heart.
Today, I am fully recovered from my early sexual trauma. I am now happily married to “the one” that’s just right for me (instead of the fairy-tale “perfect one”).
We live in beautiful Santa Barbara, California with our two wonderful children, and I now travel around the world, teaching women with a similar history to mine about how they can heal and create a trust-filled, deeply connected relationship with their man.