Elected, Non Elected and Non Events Life Transitions. How have you dealt with them?

Hello and welcome back to this series of articles on change. In the last article entitled ‘Make Change, or Change will happen to you’ I discussed the difference between minor life transitions and major life transitions. In this article I will discuss the process of dealing with endings and Elected transitions, Non elected transitions and Non Events.

The importance of having a Coach in your corner when you are going though one of these transitions can be the difference between seeing it as an opportunity, or as a threat; if you perceive a life transition as a threat and you react with fear you will always be looking at the past. As we can never go back in life, this leads to negative thoughts and feelings which can affect our view of the future. On the other hand, if through working with a Coach the fears about the future can be unpacked and examined then the journey to the future will be that much happier and easier. We have to remember we can all shape our future by the actions we take today. We cannot change our past no matter how much we would like to.

So, let us know look at endings of life transitions:
No matter what transition you experience and whether it is a major or minor transition, William Bridges (1980) states that each begins with an ending. There are 3 distinct stages.
1. Let go of the old situation
2. Move into the transition or neutral zone
3. Move into a new beginning

We have to let go of the old before beginning the new, no matter what the nature of the transition is. The second phase of a transition is the neutral zone. This is described as a time of confusion and emptiness, a period of needing to be alone, a time of inner reorientation, leading to greater self-understanding, renewal, confidence, and of courage to move forward to the third phase: a new beginning. The new beginning involves adjusting to the change that has just occurred in ones life and thus successfully passing on and though the transition.

In his book on ‘Career Change’ Dr D. Helfand (1995) says that research on the subject of transition shows that events that change our lives come on a variety of shapes, sizes and combinations. There are three basic types:
1. Elected
2. Unelected
3. Non events
Elected transitions are transitions we expect and that are up to us and that we have time to think and plan for. These could include graduating college, moving away from home, the first ‘real’ job, getting married, having children, some career changes, and retiring. By planning for these elected transitions we are in control and because of that these elected transitions are times of excitement, happiness and self satisfaction.

Unelected transitions are unexpected and therefore test our coping skills. Examples could include a spouse leaving, losing a job after a long tenure, or the unexpected death of a family member. These terrible events can shake us up and challenge our ability to adjust; however, Helfand (1995) points out that not all unelected transitions are negative. We can still be surprised by positive transitions, such as an unexpected job promotion or surprise proposal of marriage. These transitions can also require adjustment of our roles, relationships, routines and assumptions about ourselves or the world.

Non events, the third type of transition, are changes we thought would occur but do not, such as unsuccessful attempts to have children, a love relationship not developing as expected, or not getting a much desired job promotion. Even though these do not occur, our expectation that they would leave us in a potentially difficult position, is possibly just as difficult as an unelected transition. We did not elect for the change not to occur.

Looking at these 3 types of events, make a list of 3 Elected Transitions you have made in your life so far. How did you feel when you made these transitions? What lessons did you learn from successfully planning for a change and then achieving it?

3 Elected Transitions you have made in your life so far. How did you feel when you made these transitions? What lessons did you learn from successfully planning for a change and then achieving it?
1
2
3

Now think about 3 unelected transitions you had experienced in your life so far. These are changes you had no control over. What skills/abilities/resources did you use to deal with these unexpected changes? What did you learn from this? How have you used the things you have learnt?

3 Unelected Transitions you have made in your life so far. What skills/abilities/resources did you use to deal with these unexpected changes? What did you learn from this? How have you used the things you have learnt?
1
2
3

Now think about 3 Non transitions. These are things you thought were going to happen but didn’t.

3 Non Transitions that have happened to you in your life so far What skills/abilities/resources did you use to deal with the change you thought was going to happen but didn’t? What did you learn from this? How have you used the things you have learnt?
1
2
3

As I have discussed, all changes are fraught with challenges and difficulties and by planning for change you can take control of your future.

www.career-and-development-coaching.com