Are you struggling with Christian codependency? If you answered yes, then you probably experience feeling guilty often in your relationships. If you hold the following beliefs, you will struggle with guilt in your relationships:
- You feel overly responsible for other people and as a result, feel guilty when others don't do what they are supposed to do and suffer the consequences.
- You believe that you should be able to take care of people close to you and prevent them from experiencing pain. You believe you have the answers to how others should live and when you aren't listened to believe you should have tried harder.
- You are easily manipulated by people who use guilt to get what they want. Dysfunctional people are skilled at identifying a codependent's weak points and using them to emotionally blackmail the person to meet their demands by making them feel guilty for not complying. They get you to doubt yourself because you believe you should always be willing to look at your own faults first and not judge others. As a result, you believe that there must be something wrong with you if the relationship isn't working or someone is upset with you.
- You believe God wants you to sacrifice for others and feel guilty when you say no, especially when the other person isn't happy with you. The guilt originates from confusion over whether or not it is okay to say no and take care of yourself. The guilt can be so uncomfortable that you would rather do what you don't want to do then feel it.
- You believe God expects you to help others and that you are responsible for ministering to them and helping them and that you will give an account of how you invested in other peoples' lives. This belief drives you and gives you a sense of urgency when dealing with people, because you feel responsible for their response to you.
"True guilt" is intended to help you know when you have done wrong so you can change directions. This is commonly referred to as "repentance." "False guilt" tells you that you have done something wrong when you haven't. In order for you to stop feeling guilty, you have to first identify the beliefs underlying your guilt. The second step is to change them into realistic beliefs. God is greater than your false guilt and can help you learn to discern between false and true guilt (1 John 3:18-20).
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.